


Ghost of the Past

by Alena



Category: One Piece
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:57:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 41,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alena/pseuds/Alena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with a drunk confession. But there are more secrets where that one came from. One's past cannot be ignored forever. And love has never been easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confession

There was a faint smell of alcohol in the air. There were still lights glowing in the near distance, allowing the raven-haired man, who was standing on deck of the strongest pirate’s ship in the world, to make out the outline of the village he had just been to a few minutes ago. There were still voices of laughter getting through to his ears and even if they were distant, he knew that the other members of his crew were probably going to continue partying for the rest of the night.

It was a short, calm period in which the Whitebeard pirates had decided to take a break on a remote and peaceful island whose inhabitants had no problem with their customers being pirates. And it was not a place that was usually frequented by the marines, either. So all in all, it was the perfect island to spend some free time on, allowing at least part of the crew to do whatever they wanted for a little while.

That, of course, mostly ended up in them having huge parties at which everyone just had a good time drinking, picking up women and generally just forgetting their worries for a while.

And that was exactly what Ace had been doing. He hadn’t been commander of Whitebeard’s second division for long and he was still trying to adjust to his new role. And there were other things that still weighted heavy on his mind, as well. So just for this one evening he had decided to drink and forget about all of it for a while. Sadly enough, it hadn’t worked as he had hoped it to work. And somehow, the more he had drank, the worse he had felt. There was a knot in his chest that just didn’t want to loosen up, no matter what he did. So, giving up on his plan, he had murmured a shallow apology to his companions and gotten up to leave, ignoring the confused looks his friends gave him.

But just as he had exited the place and started to walk away from it, he heard the door behind him open again. He had turned around, curious as to who might be following him and his eyes had widened a little in surprise at the blond man that was now coming over to where he was standing. He was swaying a little in his walk and had a faint smile on his lips. Something Ace had rarely seen on the usually so serious man. “What’s wrong, Marco?” He had asked curiously.

“I’m coming with you, yoi.” The older man had replied, quickly closing the distance between them with unsure steps. Ace could tell that he was drunk. In fact, he had been observing him all evening long and wondered why he would drink so much, when usually on these occasions he would have just stayed aboard the Moby Dick to do the paper work that had usually piled up.

Lately, Ace had caught himself watching the first division commander more often than he would voluntarily admit to. In fact, it had been part of what was bothering him. Something seemed strange. For some odd reasons he couldn’t understand, he had the feeling that the older one had been trying to avoid him for some time now.

At the beginning Marco had been very kind to him, making sure to help him whenever he needed help. He had spent a lot of time with him, mostly talking, making sure that he was doing fine in his new surroundings. Sometimes they had been standing on the Moby Dick during one of the two’s night shifts and silently watched the sea together. Occasionally, when Ace had asked the blond very nicely, he would turn into his phoenix form and take the younger one for a short flight around the ship, or over the sea.  They had even been on one or two missions together and Ace had really come to like the older man. But things had changed. Nowadays Marco would barely even notice him. Only talking to him when it was inevitable and whenever Ace wanted to visit him in his room, he’d find the door locked and Marco inside ignoring him or telling him that he was busy working.

Then sometimes, during meal times, or when they were all sitting on deck of the ship he would feel Marco’s gaze resting on him. But as soon as he would look up and their eyes met, the older one would quickly look away, focusing his attention on something else and acting like he had not been watching Ace.

Ace had been pondering about it a lot. If maybe he had done something to anger his superior, but he had been unable to come to a conclusion. So for obvious reasons he had been more than surprised when Marco of all people suddenly decided to accompany him back to the ship. But maybe, he thought, maybe this could be his chance to find out what was going on.

The two of them didn’t talk as they were making their way back to the ship. They were just silently walking side-by-side. Occasionally their arms or hands would touch by accident and it would make Ace jump a little inside, but he didn’t dare to put more space between them.

The situation seemed weird to him. There was a strange kind of tension in the air. He could clearly feel it and it made him very uneasy. Then, when he finally brought up the courage to take a quick glance at the older man beside him, he found, to his surprise that Marco was still smiling. And somehow it seemed like a more genuine expression than anything he’d seen on him for a long time.

But that didn’t help stop the feeling of uneasiness in his chest. So when they finally reached the ship, he stopped and looked around nervously. Somehow the cold night air had helped cool down his head a little, so at least the influence of alcohol on him was not so prominent anymore and he was very glad for that. Rather hesitantly he finally looked up to the blond, but Marco seemed to be ignoring him and instead his eyes were scanning the sea that lay beyond them. “I... uhm...” he started, still unsure as to what to do or make out of this situation. “I’m going to bed then.” He said at last, but his voice was surely betraying him, making it easy for the other one to hear Ace’s uneasiness out of it.

“No.” Marco simply replied and Ace looked at him in confusion. “Stay for a bit, yoi.” The blond finally added, still smiling. “It’s a nice night. I like this. Haven’t had much of a chance to talk to you lately, yoi.” Ace could tell that Marco was still affected by the alcohol. He had never been one to talk so much, especially unasked. He was slightly slurring his words, too. And hadn’t it been his fault that they never talked anymore? Did it really take the influence of alcohol to get the older one to stop ignoring him?

Marco had never been much of a drinker and he had been ignoring him a lot. Maybe there was actually something behind this. Maybe he just needed to count one and one together... He tried to focus on the thought. What could be bothering him so much that he would even get drunk over it?

He didn’t get more time to think about it though, as he felt a hand firmly gripping his the next moment. “Look, yoi.” The older one said, excitement resonating in his voice. With his other hand he pointed upwards to the sky. “A shooting star, yoi. Did you see it?” Almost like a child, Ace thought, as he slowly shook his head to signify that he hadn’t seen it. It made Marco pout at him in disappointment and Ace couldn’t help but smile at all of these expressions that were so unlike the first division commander he had gotten to know in the past. “Did you wish for something?” The raven-haired man asked, his voice had a mocking undertone that the other one, however, failed to notice in his current state. By now Ace felt more amused by this whole situation than anything else, the uneasiness he had been feeling just moments ago had almost completely disappeared. Just the fact that Marco was still holding his hand – and squeezing it slightly at this question – made his heart beat a little faster in anticipation at what might still happen with things being like they were right now.

“No.” The older one replied shortly. The joy had suddenly been drained out of his voice and this change made Ace feel a cold chill pass through his body. “There’d be no point, yoi.” Then all of a sudden, the blond was smiling again, but Ace could tell that this time it was different. This time it was not a genuine smile, it only expressed sadness. A kind of sadness he felt that he couldn’t possibly understand or relate to. He swallowed audibly. And even though he was sure he wouldn’t receive and answer, he asked nonetheless. “Why not?” His words were nearly a whisper.

The older one turned around to look at him. Their eyes met and Ace didn’t dare to look away – let alone blink for even a second – or he felt like he might miss something that was important, or startle the other one into not wanting to talk to him about this anymore. Even though he himself wasn’t sure if he really was comfortable enough with the situation as it was right now. “There are wishes that cannot be fulfilled, Ace.” Marco said, his voice serious. And the younger one couldn’t help but notice how he had lingered on his name for just a second too long.

“I once swore I would not do this anymore.” Marco’s face was an impenetrable mask, making it impossible for Ace to guess what was going on at the moment. But it made another wave of uneasiness sweep through him. And still he didn’t dare to say a word or back away even the slightest. But the things he was overly aware of at the moment were Marco’s stern gaze that was fixed on him, their hands that were still touching, leaving him with an ongoing tingling sensation and the fact that the older man’s cheeks were slightly reddened. And Ace could not tell if it was caused by the alcohol or not, only that not even once had he seen him like this in the past.

“Y... you’re acting weird, Marco.” He finally dared himself to say, but it only made the other one chuckle slightly. “Yeah.” He agreed, eyelids fluttering shut for a second, just to then look back at Ace as intensely as before. “Just... please bear with it for this once. Please.” And this time his words sounded like a plea and Ace was sure he notice a desperate undertone to the other one’s voice. So when Marco pulled him closer, tugging Ace’s hot body against his own, much cooler chest, Ace found himself unable to resist once more. And while his eyes widened in surprise, Marco’s hand let go of the younger ones and instead found its way to Ace’s back, holding him in place and making sure there was no longer even an inch of space between them.

And the next moment, Marco’s head dropped onto his shoulder. And then they stayed like that for a while, none of them moving. Ace barely dared to breath, his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. And only after he had overcome the initial shock, did he move his own hand to the back of the man that was clinging to him as if his life depended on it and patted his back carefully in a comforting gesture. All the while his glance was directed at the sky, observing the star-filled firmament with his pitch-black eyes, wearing an unreadable expression on his face.

As if awoken from a dream, Marco jumped a little at the sudden touch of the hand on his back. He lifted his head just a tiny bit, until his lips were nearly touching the base of the younger one’s ear. Ace could feel the blond’s breath tickle his skin. Marco’s next words came heavy and slowly. Quietly. They were shyly spoken, but there was not a splitter of doubt in Ace that they were meant completely honest.

“I fell in love with you.”

Ace swallowed hard, but otherwise didn’t move. It was true that he did not doubt Marco’s words. But the older man was drunk and this situation was just too unreal for him to be able to fully grasp it yet.

So as he didn’t react, Marco pushed him away a little, bringing enough space between them for him to lift his own head and be able to look Ace in the eyes again. As if he was searching for the tiniest bit of a response from the younger man.

But as he found none, his hands found Ace’s arms instead to hold them firmly. “I’m not doing this anymore.” Marco said in his husky voice, more to himself then to the other one, and again Ace didn’t understand, however, he didn’t fail to notice that Marco’s words were still heavy from alcohol.

The raven-haired man swallowed hard, finally able to somehow comprehend what was going on. It made fear find its way into his eyes. “M... Marco?” He managed to squeeze out between his lips, stuttering and just in time as he was pulled closer again, their bodies touching once more.

Marco slowly closed his eyes and without saying anything else anymore, his lips went on a search for the younger ones, bumping against his chin first, then the corner of Ace’s lower lip, until finally he found what he was looking for and their lips merged.

A surprised gasp was all that left Ace. His eyes widened. Marco’s lips were rough and tasted like what he’d been drinking all night. But somehow he couldn’t stop himself from giving in to Marco’s approach. And he felt like it wasn’t really himself who suddenly decided to close his eyes and return the gesture much more eagerly than he had wanted to. His hands soon found their way to the blond hair of Marco, carefully entangling his fingers in it, caressing the head of a man that surely only did what he was doing because he happened to be too drunk for his own good. And yet he didn’t care.

The only thing he found was that his mind had gone blank and he didn’t dare think about the situation anymore. Because this right now just felt too good. And those lips that were eagerly moving on his felt too right. And his bare chest touching the colder skin of Marco was somehow too comforting for him to let go of, now that it had come to this.

Then, only a moment later it was Marco who broke their kiss. And leaning his forehead against that of the younger one, he looked at him breathlessly. But there was still a tiny smile on his lips and Ace couldn’t help but return it.

But just the fragment of a second later the smile on Marco’s lips suddenly vanished and realization hit him hard in the face. He let go of Ace’s arms and stumbled backwards. His eyes wide in shock of what he’d just done. “I... I’m sorry...” He mumbled, his lips trembling at the words. He lifted his hand to them, covering his mouth, as if he was fearful any more words he didn’t want to say might come out and then swiftly turned around to leave, almost tripping over his own feet, so unsteady was his walk.

Ace was left behind, standing on deck of the Moby Dick. Unable to comprehend what had just happened. His eyes fixated on the last spot he had seen Marco on, right before the blond had turned around a corner and left Ace’s field of vision.


	2. Avoidance

As if awakening from a trance he opened his eyes, not knowing that he had held them closed in the first place. He felt like an eternity had past, when surely it must have only been a short moment. He took a sharp breath of the cold night air, before he finally decided on what to do. His cheeks were burning. He felt like occasionally flames were emitting from his body. He didn’t fully understand why, but all of a sudden he had felt so very angry. But he was not only angry at Marco. He was mostly angry at himself. Angry at the whole damn thing that had just happened. It was unreal. It was not true. He slowly shook his head in disbelief.

The next moment he directed his glance in front of him and his feet started walking forward as if on their own. He could barely contain himself from running down the corridors. He already knew the way by heart anyway. The way to Marco’s room. And when he stood in front of the first division commander’s door just a few minutes later, he only hesitated a second, before finally trying to open the door. And to his surprise he found it to be unlocked and in his energetic movements he nearly slipped and fell into the room, but managed to hold his balance in the very last second.

“Marco.” He said. His voice was unreadable. His eyes hard and directed at the older man who was sitting at his desk, arms propped up and supporting his head. At the familiar voice calling his name, however, he startled. Moving his head to look at the direction where he had heard it coming from his eyes expressed pure terror. “A... Ace... what are you doing he–“ He abruptly interrupted himself, before deciding on something else to say. “Please..., just leave.” His voice was pathetically weak.

But the younger one did not leave. Instead he went over to the blond in quick strides, not averting his eyes from him for even a second. “Fool.” He said as he stretched out his hand to cup Marco’s cheek with it.

“Don’t do something like that just to leave me standing there then.” Ace added, shortly before leaning down. Sliding his hand to the neck of the older one, he moved his head forward, pressing his lips on those of Marco, kissing him roughly and demanding.

Marco flinched in response, but Ace held his head in place, catching every attempt to speak of the other one with his lips. And only a moment later Marco finally gave in and understanding that there was no way for him to escape this time, he returned the kiss.

Ace couldn’t help it, but out of all the things that were happening at that moment, the most prominent one must have been his own heart beating so furiously in his chest. It felt like instead of beating in his chest, it had found a place in his head this time. A, even for him strangely, hot feeling was rushing to his head and downwards his body, as well. He could feel his own desire – his need for this right here and now. Touching this man in front of him. Kissing him. Loving him.

He broke their kiss and swallowed hard, opening his eyes, but not removing his glance from the blond. That was what this was. Love. But was it? Did he really love him? Or did he only think like this because of what Marco had done?

And how much did that really matter at the moment? Should he not just simply savor the moment as it was right now? Take this chance, before it passed unused?

His hands quickly found their way to Marco’s chest. Carefully running his fingers over the heated skin below him. Touching the other one’s body almost tenderly. Then his head followed. And he carefully planted a trail of kisses, starting at Marco’s neck and then all over the other one’s chest. At times he would gently suck on the other’s skin, or carefully tug on it a little with his teeth. All the while enjoying how the older one would wreathe below his touch. And he only wondered for a second why Marco was no longer resisting him at all.

And even for what Ace was used to, it was really getting hot in Marco’s room. Somehow the raven haired man was not willing to wait anymore. He definitely did not want Marco to change his mind again, or worse – try to run from him once more. So, being a hundred per cent sure that he really wanted to do this, he moved his hands down. Deeply in thoughts he trailed his fingertips over the fabric of the sash that was placed over the waistband of the older one’s pants, looking down at the bulge he could make out beneath the fabric in awe. Then finally, he started undoing Marco’s belt and sash. Just to let them slide to the ground carelessly.

“Ace... what are you...?” The voice of the older one sounded raspy and uncertain.

“Shut up.” The one addressed simply replied, completely concentrating at the task at hand. But then, as he went on to undo the zipper of Marco’s pants he suddenly heard laughter coming from the older one. The sound was so loud and unreal, it made him jump and stop what he was doing.

And as he looked up to see what was going on his surroundings suddenly changed. He felt like his body was ripped through a pitch black hole for a moment, shortly before he found himself sitting upright in his bed. Breathing heavily.

Marco was gone. His head was spinning. He had a pounding headache. And the laughter was still there. Suddenly he realized. This whole thing had been nothing but a dream. Someone was passing his door outside, laughing too loudly at who-knows-what.

He looked around in confusion. This was definitely his room. The night before... 

After he had calmed down a little he dropped back down onto his pillow. He had never followed Marco. He remembered now. He had wanted to. But he had not been able to muster up the courage. Instead he had gone to his own room and fallen asleep almost instantly. Successfully able to avoid thinking about what had happened. But that dream... was that what he had truly wanted to happen?

“Shit!” He cursed loudly, glad that he had a room of his own by now. He would never want anyone to see him like this. Having dreams like that about his superior. Dreaming of kissing him. Undressing him. Hell, he had even nearly touched him down there. But it had all just been a dream. His own fucked up fantasy. Only what had been before that, the confession... that had been real. The way Marco had talked to him. Looked at him. Kissed him. That had truly been real.

He could feel blood rush to his face. He remembered the look on Marco’s face as he had spoken those words. Something painful had lingered in his expression the whole time. But in the end had the blond not regretted what he had done? Had he not apologized to him for it?

Ace did not understand. Marco had been drunk. But the first division commander was not someone who would lie about something like that. Furthermore, why would he get drunk and follow him back to the ship, only to play such a tasteless prank on him in the first place?

And then there was also his dream. Was something like that really what he wanted? Was that truly the kind of thing he was hoping to do with Marco? Before this whole situation he had never even considered it. His feelings for Marco... his heart beating so fast, the excitement he had felt... was that really how it had been even before the other one’s confession? Or had it changed his perception of the older man?

Suddenly he snorted. Really, what was the point in thinking about this now? More importantly should he not try to talk to Marco first to try and sort the situation out? Something weird must have happened in that beautiful blond head of the older one to do something that was so unlike him. And Ace was sure that before anything else he should try to find out what that was.

...

Then, five days later he gave up on his plan.

Even worse than before, Marco had started to ignore him. But this time he was ignoring him completely. In fact, he had not even seen the first division commander very often anymore. The older man would simply stay in his room most of the time, probably burying himself in his work. Ace was sure that by now there could be no more paper work left to do on the whole ship, but still, Marco insisted on staying locked up in his room.

Only once Ace had tried to talk to him there. But upon his knocking he had received no response. And since he was not one to kick in doors on board of the Moby Dick, he had left it at that. Truthfully though, maybe he had been a little scared as well and actually somewhat glad that Marco had not responded to his knocking.

On day three after the incident Thatch had asked him if he knew anything about what was wrong with Marco, but the only response he had been able to give him was a shrug of his shoulders.

Just on very few, rare occasions had he seen Marco on deck of the ship. But that was when he was either talking to pops, or when he was walking swiftly to whatever location he needed to get to, meanwhile keeping his head lowered, probably to avoid the looks of anyone around him. And for the usually so proud commander of the first division, he was behaving very oddly right now.  
Thus, Ace had decided that Marco, although he had been very drunk that night, had probably very good memories of what had happened. And now he was scared, or ashamed or just simply and stupidly trying to run away from the situation. Somehow it reminded Ace a little bit of himself. But this was a serious matter. This was important. And sooner or later Marco would have to talk to him. There was no way around it, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it.

...

Later that day – Ace had decided to spend the rest of the evening in his room, doing pretty much nothing, except for maybe trying to come up with a new plan concerning Marco – there was an unexpected knock on his door.

He look up, confused and at the same time curious as to who might be visiting him this late. Somehow he hoped that it was Marco. But already before he opened the door he was sure that it would probably not be the blond man. That was just too unlikely a scenario after he had been ignoring him for five full days.

So, opening the door he was only mildly surprised to find the fourth division commander with his prominent, brown pompadour hairstyle that still amused Ace, standing in front of him instead.

“What’s up, Thatch?” He asked, a small grin on his face.

“May I come in?” The other one replied with a question himself. Ace stepped aside to let him through. “Sure, go ahead.” His grin had faltered. Was that concern he had heard out of his friend’s voice? Or maybe his senses were just fooling him again.

Thatch made himself comfortable on one of the chairs in Ace’s room, before he folded his hands in front of his face and looked over to the raven-haired man, who by now had closed the door and taken a seat himself.

Ace was not sure what to expect, or why Thatch would come to him this late, when earlier at dinner he had made sure to tell Thatch that he was going to sleep early today. But maybe this was about Marco. Surely, even before it had been Thatch who had noticed that something weird was going on with the first division commander. 

“So.” Ace’s visitor started. “I’ve been talking to pops just now.” He took a small pause, all the while never averting his eyes from Ace. “We are to go on a mission together the day after tomorrow.”

Ace’s eyes widened in surprise and excitement. “Really?” He exclaimed. He had been wondering when he could finally go on a mission again. All this sitting around was tiring him. And something to distract him from what was going on at the moment was not such a bad idea, either. Maybe that would even help him to sort out his thoughts and come up with a good plan to be able to talk to Marco.

“Yeah.” The brown haired man confirmed. “However, it’s weird...” his voice was quiet. “Pops said he was going to send you and Marco.” Ace felt like something was stabbing him upon the mentioning of the first division commander’s name. His expression changed to a painful grimace. Thatch however ignored it and continued. “But Marco must have said that he didn’t want to go and so pops decided that we two go instead.” He cleared his throat audible and then fixated the younger man who was still sitting in front of him, but by now shifting uncomfortable in his seat, with his eyes. “And we both know that Marco never says no to pops. So I was wondering...” A small smile appeared on his lips. “If maybe something has happened between the two of you. Because lately Marco has been acting very weird. And you Ace... there’s just something that tells me that you are hiding something as well.” He narrowed his eyes as if it would help him see the truth and waited for the other man to reply to his assumptions.

Ace, however, quickly averted his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Came his answer way too hurriedly. It made Thatch chuckle slightly. He knew that he would not get the information he was seeking out of Ace so easily. People on this ship were all just too damn stubborn. But he had enough time to find out what was going on. Sometime during their mission Ace would surely open up to him. So for now he decided to simply drop the topic altogether. “Okay then. Anyway, let’s talk about the mission tomorrow. Don’t want to hold you up on gaining your beauty sleep.” With those words he got up from his seat to go over to the door. After opening it he glanced back once more and with a small wave of his hand said: “Good night, Ace.”

Ace could only grin a little and returned the words. But as soon as Thatch had closed the door behind him, he slumped down on his chair, his eyes fixating the ceiling above him. So people had really started to notice. And Thatch was already associating Marco’s strange behavior to him. He would really have to deal with this as soon as possible. So maybe tomorrow he should try to look for Marco. And this time he would not allow the blond to avoid him. He had to make sure to talk to him properly about what had happened that night.


	3. Talk

That night Ace slept calmly. After he had gone to bed, he had fallen asleep in an instant. And when he awoke in the morning, he could not remember any dream he might have had. But what almost instantly weighted heavy on his mind as soon as he was fully awake, was the decision he had made a day earlier.

He had a strange feeling of anticipation that he just simply could not shake off no matter what. So reluctantly he got up after a while of doing nothing but lying in his bed with eyes wide open, starring at his room’s ceiling.

He did not need long to take a shower and get dressed. After he was done, however, he was standing in the middle of his room for a moment. Head lowered and deeply in thoughts. Should he go to Marco directly? Somehow he really wanted to avoid the topic for a little while longer. He was feeling anxious. What if the older man simply ignored him again? What if he rejected him? Would he be able to bear looking into Marco’s hate-filled eyes if that were the case?

Maybe he should drop his plan after all. Maybe he should just simply follow Marco’s example and start ignoring him from now on. Maybe, if that was how the older one wanted their relationship to be from now on that was the best decision he could make. But something inside of him made him realize that leaving things like that would not really solve a thing. For how long would he be able to ignore Marco? For how long would he be able to ignore what he was feeling himself? Would it not cause way more problems if their relationship continued to be awkward like this now? In fact, people had already noticed that they were acting weird. So, how long would it take the others to realize that there existed an actual problem between their first and second division commanders? And then, would they not need to clarify what was going on in front of pops?

In the end the best solution was that they talked about it to each other before it turned into a bigger problem than necessary. Because not matter the outcome, it would probably still be better than their situation right now. Marco was, after all, a responsible, adult man. And the way he was acting right now was so unlike him that Ace came to the conclusion that maybe, just for this once, the blond needed the other party to do the first step. And truthfully, he was willing to do that now.

So, clenching his hands tightly into fists he did not dare hesitate any longer. He closed the distance to his room’s door in quick strides and opened it. He was sure that Marco was probably in his room right now, even though it was breakfast time. But even during the previous days he had never been able to spot the blond during breakfast, so if anything, he must be eating it in his room alone.

He did not think of much as he went on his way to Marco’s room. He did not really have a plan as to what he would exactly do or say, either. In any case, he did not want to sound like he had prepared a speech or anything. So he had basically decided on simply saying what was on his mind at the time. The most important thing was to find out what was actually going on and how Marco thought about what had happened that night. Everything else could wait for the time being.

It did not take him long to reach Marco’s room as they were not placed too far from each other. He hesitated only for a moment. The look on his face clearly showed that he was still scared and unsure, but just a second later he gave the door in front of him a light knock nonetheless.

Not much to his surprise he didn’t receive an answer. So he knocked again, this time more forcefully. But as he didn’t receive a reply this time either, he cleared his throat to speak. “Marco.” He couldn’t help but have a slightly angry edge to his voice. “I know you’re in there. Just freaking open the door already, this is ridiculous.” Just as to underline his words he grabbed the door handle in front of him and pressed it down, only to find that the door was indeed locked as already expected.

“Marco!” He said again, growing impatient. He definitely was not willing to go without talking to the other one. It had taken him too much of his courage to even come here in the first place, so this time he would stay in front of this door until he at least received a reaction from the first division commander.

And surely enough, only a moment later he could hear muffled movements from inside the room. Upon hearing the sound he thought to himself that at least he was correct about Marco being inside. At least he had not made a complete fool out of himself yet.

Then, just another moment later the door in front of him was opened a crack wide. Marco’s figure appeared behind the door and Ace could not help but notice that the other man looked more tired than usual. He had most likely been neglecting his sleep during the past few days.  
“Please leave, Ace.” The blond said weakly, but Ace was having none of it. He would never get this far again and Marco was definitely acting way too weird. He had to find out what was going on. Right now.

“I wont. Let me in.” He replied, lips tightly pressed together.

Marco seemed to consider it for a moment. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and a nearly inaudible sight left his mouth, before he finally gave in and fully opened the door. “Fine, yoi.” He said as the younger man was already darting past him to enter the room. Not believing that in the end it had been this easy. He had expected more protest from Marco. But then again, Marco probably knew that Ace would really not leave him alone this time. 

Marco slowly closed the door before he turned to face Ace. “Go on.” He said mockingly. “Say it.”

“You are an asshole.” Ace replied instantly on impulse and regretted being so harsh right after the words had left his lips upon seeing the hurt expression on Marco’s face. But he was angry at him. And he had every right to be angry. “Do you remember?” He simply asked with a bitter undertone to his voice, sure that the other one would understand what he meant just fine. Because if in the end this had all just been because of the alcohol and Marco had forgotten about it, then there would be no point to this conversation in the first place, right?

“Yes.” Marco simply replied. There were no emotions to his voice that Ace could depict. There was only that slightly hurt look on his face and his tiredness. It made Ace’s heart throb painfully. And even though he absolutely did not want to, he started to feel pity for the blond. But he had to stay hard, he had to make clear that he could not be played around with like that without consequences. So his next words were spoken harsh and quietly. “I hope you had your fun.” He snorted at how stupid his own words sounded to him. Then suddenly, the look in his eyes changed and his next words came more pleadingly. “Tell me, why did you do that, Marco?” He really was not able to hide the pain from his voice after all. “Were you just playing around or what?” He nearly spit his last words at the other one and then shut his mouth tightly. His eyes were cautiously directed at the blond, anticipating his reply.

“I wasn’t lying to you.” The voice of the older man was still monotonous and his eyes seemed lifeless as he made two steps into Ace’s direction, just to stop again. And Ace didn’t fail to notice how his answer was not a direct reply to the question. 

“Why the ignoring then?” Ace pressed out between clenched teeth.

“I can’t do this.” And suddenly there was a desperate tone to Marco’s voice that made Ace flinch so unexpected was it. “I... I’m sorry.” The blond said, the words coming out slowly, bit by bit. “I shouldn’t have done it.” He added all of a sudden, as if he only just realized that himself.

“But you did.” Ace said bitterly. Tears were collecting in the corners of his eyes, however, he tried to hold them back as good as possible to not show any more weakness than absolutely necessary.

“Please just forget about it. I was drunk –“ Marco raised his head to look at the younger one in an attempt to give him an apologetically glance. “I would have never done it, if...”

He didn’t manage to finish his sentence, because Ace cut him off abruptly. “Yeah, well. Fuck that!” He was nearly screaming the words out as he felt himself unable to control his emotions anymore. “Then maybe just fucking get drunk again before talking to me the next time! Because...” He suddenly stopped, swallowing hard. His eyes search for Marco’s, hoping to find at least some sort of contact to him. The older man however had lowered his head and was no longer looking at him. “Because I’ve already fallen for you.” He finally confessed, eyes wide open in shock of this sudden realization himself. His voice had become a mere whisper, but he was sure that Marco must have been able to hear it.

He didn’t expect a reply anymore though. He understood that to Marco this had all just been a huge mistake. So with nothing to be gain here anymore and completely devastated he went over to the door with heavy feet, deciding to leave this room now that he knew where he was at concerning Marco. This whole endeavor had been pointless right from the start after all. And this conversation was over. What was the point in shouting at the older man if all the replies he received were just one half-assed apology after another?

Then, just before he opened a door, Marco came over to him quickly. Grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back slightly. “Wait, Ace, I...” As he struggled for words his eyes locked with those of the younger one and to his surprise he found tears streaming down his freckled cheeks. It made him realize just how much of a fool he was. What sort of comfort could he possible give to Ace? There was nothing he could do as long as he didn’t come to terms with his own feelings first. And he knew most definitely that he could not make Ace his lover. Everything that had happened had been nothing but a huge mistake on his end and the best option they both possibly had was to simply forget about it.

So reluctantly he let go of the other one’s arm and watched him leave the room without as much as even glancing back once more.

Sighing he closed the door after a moment and slumped down against it on the inside of his room. For a while he did nothing but stare at the wall in front of him with blank eyes. In his mind he told himself over and over again that what he did was the right choice and that it would be okay this way sooner or later. But he knew that he was only trying to fool himself into believing that. Because honestly, he had already crossed the point of no return during that night. How should he ever be able to avert his eyes from Ace again when he felt like he had truly fallen in love with him? Especially now that he had heard Ace’s reply to it, as well...

So moments later he got up to go to one of the cupboards in his room. Opening it he found several bottles of hard liquor inside and grabbing one by random he remembered Ace’s words. ‘Then maybe just fucking get drunk again before talking to me the next time!’. It made him laugh a little. But the sound seemed out of place and only added to his somber state. “Cheers.” He said quietly to the emptiness of his room as he opened the bottle and took a large swig from it. He had never been one to drink much, let alone without company. But somehow this right now seemed like a good opportunity to start with a new bad habit. It was not like it could harm him anymore than it already had after all.


	4. Pain

**Ghost of the Past**

_Chapter 4: Pain_

“ _Crap. Crap. Crap!_ ” Ace let his voice out completely unrestrained after he had reached the safety of his own room. He was glad that no one had seen him as he had run through the hallways of the Moby Dick, crying like an utter fool. He was completely _furious_. What the hell was Marco thinking for acting the way he did? What was he _thinking_!?

He grabbed the next best object he could find in his room and violently slammed it against the blank wall in front of him. But as he watched the shards of the glass he had just smashed to pieces fall to the ground he let his arms slump down at both sides of his body. What was he thinking himself really? What was it he had thought would happen? Marco had been deliberately ignoring him for days. So had it not been obvious that their conversation would most likely end like it had?

For the first time in forever he did not feel like eating breakfast. He did not feel like leaving his room at all anymore. Really, he just wanted to sit on his bed and continue crying desperately, until there were no more tears left inside of him. Or smash every last object in his room to pieces. But he knew that the latter would not be a good idea, so he quickly decided against it.

Then he remembered that he would need to talk to Thatch later. And that they were going on a mission tomorrow. “Fucking great.” He murmured to himself. With Thatch being as nosy as he was he would surely notice that there was something wrong with Ace. And while the brown-haired man was his friend, he really did not know how he should explain something like this to him. Actually, he definitely did not even want him to know what was going on in the first place. It was way too embarrassing and surreal. After all, who would believe that Marco of all people had confessed his love to him?

...

The bottle was empty sooner than the first division commander had anticipated. Peering deeply into the neck of it, he sighed heavily at the prospect of there being not a single drop of the liquid left.

He considered getting another bottle, but after slowly standing up his feet felt so unlikely to carry him properly over to the cupboard that he simply dropped back into the armchair behind him and gave up on his plan.

“This sucks.” He muttered quietly to himself. He felt nothing but emptiness in his chest. His eyelids dropped shut heavily.

More than anything, he really hated himself right now. Truthfully, it had been he who had sworn to himself to never get involved with a person like that again. He had never wanted to hurt anyone ever again. And yet, was that not exactly what he had done to Ace? By trying to fix what he had done he had yet again hurt him a lot more than ever necessary. But still. He could definitely never get involved with the raven haired man like that. But he knew, or at least he hoped that in the end both of them would simply need some time. And then surely they would be able to forget about the whole incident. In the end everything would surely work out some way or another. Ace was still young. He would probably quickly find himself someone else that better fitted to him. And he himself would simply stay here and do what he was good at doing. Caring about his pop’s family and not developing crushes on people that were off limits for him. Which definitely included anyone. Ever.

...

It had cost Ace a lot to overcome his unwillingness of leaving the room. But in the end he knew that he would have to talk to Thatch about their mission sooner or later. There was no way that he would allow himself to disappoint his pops. So when noon had past he reluctantly went to the fourth division commander’s room. As he knocked on the door he heard a voice from inside telling him that the door was open, so he quietly entered the room.

“Ah, Ace, glad you could make it.” There was a mocking to Thatch’s tone, but his lips were adorned by a smile. Ace could not manage to be angry at him for being a little annoyed with the situation as it was, so he returned the smile weakly, shortly before taking a seat at Thatch’s table.

A lot of papers were already sprawled out on it. The brown haired man quickly joined him at the table. Audibly clearing his throat he said: “Well I already looked over it of course.”

Ace lifted his head to look at the other one. “What are we supposed to do anyway?”

Thatch returned the look with a mild smile. “There is a minor marine base close to the island we are about to reach tomorrow.” He made a small pause. “Pops wants us to infiltrate it without attracting any attention. He suspects that they hold some documents there that could be useful to us in the future.”

There was a scowl on Ace’s face almost instantly. “I hate infiltrating. We could just burst in and –“

Thatch interrupted him abruptly, knowing exactly that their mission would clash with Ace’s rash nature. “Yes, yes. But the important part of the plan is that we are not seen.” He sighed heavily. “Pops wants to test your abilities. See what sort of other stuff he can have you deal with in the future.”

Ace looked up to the other one. Was it his imagination, or was the usually so cheerful Thatch actually annoyed at the moment? There clearly was an annoyed edge to his voice. “Hey Thatch.” He asked and continued without receiving an answer. “Does it piss you off that you are only Marco’s replacement?” Somehow he realized that he wouldn’t mind angering Thatch. Why not have someone more that hated him? It did seem to be in fashion at the moment.

Thatch however seemed to realize what the younger man was up to, so with a scolding look he said: “Marco was meant to supervise you. For mobility, for example, Marco would have been a better choice. He can fly. And you could have used your Striker. With me as his replacement we have to use a different ship.” He was saying matter-of-factly.

“It’s not my fault.” Ace replied too quickly and with a pout, it really felt like Thatch was blaming him for the fact that Marco had ditched him and somehow that upset him only more.

The older one only shrugged his shoulders at that, there was no point in discussing this really. Ace was clearly not willing to tell him what was going on. Plus, he seemed to be trying to start a fight, which was kind of stupid to begin with, because Thatch had done nothing to deserve that. So he simply replied: “I guess it’s not.” He cleared his throat once more. “Anyway.” He continued, glance shifting back to the maps on the table. He pointed at one of them, and Ace obligingly followed him with his eyes. “This is the map of the base.” He explained. “And this is where we will enter it.” He pointed at one specific spot at the back of the building. “We will move at night, to not be seen, of course.”

Ace interrupted him, trying to get himself back into the mood of doing this mission he asked. “How long will it take to get there?”

“Half an hour at most.” Thatch made a small pause, then added: “Told you it’s not that far.”

He then continued giving Ace instructions that he deemed to be important. All the while glancing at the younger one subtly for a few times. Somehow Ace did not look too good. Something really must have happened between him and Marco. If only he could get him to tell him what it was. But knowing the way Ace was it was best not to ask him directly after all.

...

Somewhere along his trail of thoughts Marco must have fallen asleep. Because when he opened his eyes the next time his room was submerged in a deep, red color. It was telling him that the sun was setting. He felt completely ashamed for drinking in the morning and then sleeping the whole day long afterwards. But he also knew that it was sleep that he had really needed and somehow he was glad that he had been able to sleep peaceful in the first place. However, he should have probably gone to his pops sometime during the day, but now that it was already this late it did not really matter anymore. He had already disappointed him anyway by declining to do that mission Thatch and Ace were going on tomorrow.

The sudden thought of Ace made his heart throb painfully once more. Ignoring it however, he rubbed his eyes slowly. Maybe he should take a shower. That was probably a good idea. It would help him wake up and feel much more refreshed. Although he was still feeling somewhat sick and unsteady, he realized that just sitting around here would not make it any better anyway.

Luckily, as the first division commander, he had a bathroom of his own that contained a shower. He really could not bear to leave his room anymore today. He did not want to cross paths with a certain someone after all... if Ace was to go on a mission tomorrow he would have at least a little time to forget about what had happened and that would probably do him better than to be confronted with Marco’s presence once more today. And it should give himself the opportunity to try and forget about it as well.

He swiftly stripped off his clothes before entering the shower. It was not very spacious, but at least he would have his peace in here. Turning on the water he just stood there for a while, hot water trickling down his body. Steam filled the room quickly. Showering was usually one of the most relaxing things for him, but this time he barely even felt it. He could not help his mind wandering off again to think about the raven haired second division commander.

He knew that sooner or later he would have to forget about the whole thing. And if he could not forget about it, he should at least try to suppress it for as good as possible. At least for Ace’s sake, if not for himself. Because how could he ask the younger one to forget about him and what had happened, if he himself was not even able to do the same?

He hit his fist forcefully against the wall of the shower. “Shit.” He growled angrily at himself. It had all been alright until that one night. He had been able to contain his feelings so perfectly. Why did he have to be so weak that night? The prospect of going to that town with Ace and the others had just been too tempting. Being able to watch Ace for a whole evening without being suspected of anything had been such a nice thought. But then, sometime throughout the evening he had started to grow tired of only watching. He had realized that he had drunk too much and that it was messing with his ability to see what would have been the right thing to do, but he had no longer cared. He had just wanted to forget about it all for one night. His past. The promises he had made. All those painful things that he himself did not want to remember. He had them neatly locked up somewhere in his mind, dreading the day they would find their way back to the surface of his thoughts.

But he had made a mistake. Of course it had been a mistake. He should have never followed Ace back to the ship. He should have kept his feelings curled up in his own mind, instead of actually being so stupid as to confess his love for the raven haired man. Because doing that had been nothing but a selfish act in his utmost weakest state. And of course it had confused the other one. Ace was still young. How many people had actually told him that they loved him in that way? It was so obvious that Ace would interpret his own confusedness as having the same feelings for him.

He clenched his eyes shut. Painful. Thinking about these things was nothing but painful. By now both of his hands were clutched tightly to fists and pressed against the wall in front of him, his head resting between them.

He told himself to calm down, but of course it was futile. After a moment he opened his eyes again, his look was painful, but otherwise emptily directed at nothing, while in his mind memories of Ace were playing in front of his inner eye.

Why had he kissed him? He had been yearning for those lips for so long. In fact, for any touch at all. And with the younger man’s body pressed so tightly against his. The heat of him that had been overflowing that had felt like so much more than just the effect of his devil fruit. The look of confusion on Ace’s face, he had felt nothing but a dire need to make him his. The younger one’s lips had tasted just too sweet...

He couldn’t take it anymore. After all he was alone and no one would come and disturb him in here, or see the utterly disgraceful person he had become. But thinking about Ace so much... Knowing that he would never be able to hold him or kiss him ever again... It made it hard to suppress these sort of urges.

He hit the wall in front of him once more with his hand, before he finally gave in and let his hand slide down the front of his body, only stopping when he felt his member beneath his fingertips. Hesitating for only a little moment longer he grabbed it firmly. He let out a sharp sound between his lips. He tried to remember what Ace’s body had felt like pushed against his own, as he massaged his member in long movements of his slender fingers until it was fully erect.

He hated himself for it. Doing something like this while thinking about Ace. But how could he resist the temptation when his mind was full of images of Ace’s beautiful, dark eyes. His figure, hot and well-built, engulfed in flames that only added to his overall arousing image.

His hand was working faster now. He panted quietly through clenched teeth. His forehead was still pressed against the tiled wall in front of him. Hot water still streaming down the back of his body. He remembered Ace’s hands caressing his back in a comforting gesture – the feeling of Ace’s skin on his chest as he had kissed him – the moment Ace had given in to him and returned his kiss with almost childlike eagerness.

His hand tightened slightly and picked up the pace. He could feel that he was close. He could see Ace’s face after he had broken their kiss in front of his inner eye. Lips parted slightly, panting ever so lightly. He remembered the content smile that had been showing on Ace’s lips and his heated cheeks. It was this image of the younger one that finally made him reach his limit, his body shivering at the ecstatic feeling that was sweeping through him like a wave. His lips, however, left nothing but a suppressed grunt and a pathetically, weakly pleading “ _Ace_ ” that he almost instantly hated himself for saying out loud.

He moved his hand for a moment longer until the feeling had nearly completely subsided, before he finally dropped his hand to the side of his body, where it dangled lifelessly. His head lost contact to the wall in front of him as he lifted it upright to look at the ceiling. His eyes were empty once more.

He was such a despicable being.


	5. Memory

The next day came and to his surprise Marco awoke to the unusual sound of birds chirping. It was a sweet sound that might have made him feel better during any other day, but this time he could not bring himself to care about it at all. At least hearing birds told him that by now they must have reached their destined island. He really would have laughed at his ability to think even of the practical out of something like this if it had not been for how he was feeling at the moment.

It made him sigh heavily. They weren’t here for fun this time, they had to restock on a few supplies, but since he had been slacking off so much during the past days he still had a few things to check before he could deal with the restocking. Because even though he had acted like he was working on important stuff these past few days, he had not been able to concentrate on much for the most time. But that was over. The thing with Ace was finally over. He would not disappoint his pops any longer by acting the way he had. He had to forget about what had happened, or how else should he be able to go on from now? He had managed such a situation before after all. This was nothing new, he was old enough to not dwell unnecessarily long on this.

Then again, it did seem harder this time. But why? Maybe because Ace would still be around him the whole time. Even if he had decided on how to act for himself, he would still have to see the raven haired man every day...

He pressed his teeth together hard until his jaw started hurting. No, he could not allow this to matter anymore. If not for himself then at least for the sake of Ace. The sooner he started to act normally around the black haired man again, the sooner Ace would be able to forget about him as well. And in the end that was all that really mattered. Because Marco had been the one to get Ace into this situation, so thinking about himself before the younger one would be nothing but selfish.

...

After he had managed to deal with what he still had to do Marco had decided to finally talk to Whitebeard. It had taken him some time to tell his pops what was going on. However, even though he had initially planned to, in the end he had not managed to tell him about Ace. Although he had not planned to deceive his father, he just could not get himself to tell him about it yet. But he knew that eventually he would have to. Whitebeard was smart enough after all. And he had probably already figured out that there was more to the situation than Marco was willing to admit at the moment. But as always he allowed his first division commander to decide on what to tell him when at his own pace and did not pry on the topic too much.

The look he had given Marco, however, had been expressing a lot of worry about his son. So in the end Marco had felt bad for not telling him everything. After all that was what he usually did. There had rarely been a time he had not told the old man exactly everything that was going on that might be of importance to him. But he had decided that this was not one of these things and what was done was already done now after all. For now it was okay like this, he thought. Surely, when things had settled down a little, he would tell Whitebeard about everything.

But now that he had dealt with this issue for now, he could finally concentrate on the more important task at hand. He was standing on deck of the Moby Dick, amidst a few boxes that had already been brought back from the island. He was holding a clipboard and a pen in his hands, counting boxes and checking their content to see if they had gotten all that they needed and what was still missing.

It was then that something all too familiar caught his attention in the corner of his eye. And indeed, not too far from him he could see Thatch and Ace sitting together, apparently discussing something important. He could not help himself but let his glance linger on the black haired man for a while. Realizing what he was doing however, he bit his lips in an attempt to suppress the feeling that was starting to sprout in his chest again. There was nothing to be done about it anymore, he told himself. Even if he did change his mind about the matter, he had already rejected the younger one. He had no choice but to keep at what he was doing now.

He knew it was stupid, but the thought helped him to calm down a little. And as if to prove to himself that the resolution he had come up with was the correct way to go, he went over to the two men that were still discussing lively.

Upon his arrival, Ace stopped talking, looked up to him and seemed to flinch a little once he realized who had just joined them, but Marco simply ignored it. There was no turning back now after all. As he started to speak, Ace made an act of deliberately looking down and Marco did not fail to notice that the younger one’s body tensed up at every word he said. “How’s it going, yoi? When are you leaving?”

Thatch, who had only noticed him now, looked up as well and grinned at him. “Pretty good. In a few hours, just going through a few things. Teaching Ace how to infiltrate a place instead of bursting in is not that easy as you might guess.” He chuckled.

The black haired man looked up at this once more, cheeks burning red in embarrassment. “T-that’s not true!” He protested lamely. Damn that Thatch. Did he really have to say something like that in front of Marco of all people? And what was with the first division commander in the first place, suddenly coming over and talking to him? Had he given up on ignoring him and instead skipped to acting as if nothing ever happened?

Marco let out a small laugh at that. “Just take care of him for me, yoi.” He said, his voice so mild and friendly it could have made Ace cry or scream out in rage, because in their current situation it sounded nothing but fake, but he would obviously not give Marco the satisfaction of showing his weakness in front of him, or anyone else for that matter, ever again.

Then suddenly and out of habit, Marco stretched out his hand to ruffle through the dark hair of the younger one, just like he used to in the past. But only a second later he realized what he had just done and withdrew his hand quickly as if he had touched something disgusting. He knew that had been a mistake the second he saw the raven haired man’s expression.

Ace’s eyes widened in shock.

Thatch on the other hand looked curiously from Ace to Marco and then back at Ace. He hesitated only for a moment before finally saying. “I will, but –“

He was abruptly interrupted by Ace’s sharp sounding voice “If you’re that worried about me you shouldn’t have pushed me off in the first place.” He looked up to the blond, his eyes full of bitterness and hatred. “Right, _Marco_?” He was spitting the name out like it was poison on his tongue.

Marco kept a straight face at this and only let out a small sigh. “Right.” He said quietly, suddenly thinking that maybe this had been a stupid idea after all.

Then, just at the right moment – Marco was completely lost for words for once and unsure about what to do now – someone behind him called out to him. Realizing that this was the best opportunity he would get to take his leave, he opened his mouth to say some sort of apology, but then decided against it and simple left the two without saying another word to them.

As the blond had left Thatch starred at the younger man in front of him and lifted an eyebrow in curiosity. “What was that about?” He finally asked.

“Just some disagreement between us.” Ace muttered as he lowered his glance, clearly trying to avoid the topic at all cost.

“Yeah.” Thatch agreed. “I could see that.” He thought about it for a moment. “But Marco never acts like that. What the hell did you disagree about?”

Ace snorted. “How to treat people maybe?”

Thatch didn’t understand. “Uh, look. Maybe we should postpone this mission. It doesn’t seem like the right time really...” He hesitated for a second. “Maybe resolve that...” He searched for the correct word for a moment and then, deciding to just copy what Ace had said, continued. “ _disagreement_ first? I’m starting to worry about you.” He said and the look on his face truly expressed concern.

But Ace was too angry to see that at his current state. “Worried about me, or Marco?” He barked back at his friend. Truly, he was the only idiot here. Marco treated him however he pleased and all Thatch could say was that he ‘had never seen _Marco_ act in this or that way’. And they had known each other for way longer. So who really cared about him here anyway? This sucked on so many levels and all that thanks to that stupid bird brain’s impetuous doing.

“Both of you, of course.” The other one replied truthfully and with a certain honest emphasis to his voice.

Ace looked up. And this time he saw the concern on Thatch’s face. All of a sudden he felt really bad for what he had said and thought. Thatch had done nothing to deserve his behavior. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Just remember that I’m here if you wanna talk about it.” There was a wide grin on Thatch’s face now and Ace could not help himself but nod at that offer shyly. Maybe talking to someone about it would not be such a bad idea after all...

...

Marco had quickly found his way back to his room after that botched up conversation. Really, who was he trying to fool? Acting like nothing had ever happened? He could only laugh at that now. His act had been completely pathetic. That had definitely fooled no one, not even himself. If anything it had only made matters worse. When had he started to do things so rashly and without thinking them through? Was he not usually so level-headed, was that not what people appreciated about him? Where had all his calmness gone off to?

He found himself think that if he had never been so stupid as to do what he had done in the first place, thinks would have been so much better now. He had been holding out just fine in the past. After all, it was not like his feelings for Ace had just come out of nowhere, or only started to develop during that ‘drunk incident’.

But then how come he could not suppress it anymore now? Why did it have to be the only prominent thing on his mind all day long?

He could not stand this anymore. He needed some peace on his mind. Right now he would do anything to numb those thoughts and that painful feeling in his chest that currently seemed to be his constant companion.

He quickly went over to his cupboard. Opening it, he only scanned it superficially before grabbing one of the bottles at random. Just like the day before. He really just needed something, anything to be able to calm down. But taking the bottle out of the cupboard he suddenly noticed his hand was shaking heavily and the next moment he felt his grip on the bottle loosen. There was a sharp sound of glass breaking and the splashing of liquid as the bottle came into contact with the floor right below him.

His eyes widened and then all of a sudden he seemed to relax his body. He laughed weakly and absentmindedly. What was he doing here? Was that how it would be for him from now on? He really was pathetic. Acting so completely out of himself was nothing like him. No matter what, in the past he had always managed to stay calm. He had always managed to do what was necessary. What was different this time? Was it only because love was involved?

Suddenly, at the mentioning of _love_ a new thought sparked in his mind. It came slowly and stealthily. Creeping up to him. Embracing him painfully.

There was a face at first. Then a voice that was so familiar to him, but that he must have not heard in years. He remembered words he had tried to forget for so long.

“Someday you will definitely move on and love someone else...”

“I wont.” He suddenly heard himself say out loud without actually wanting to. “I promise, I wont.” He clasped his hand in front of his mouth, his eyes wide open in disbelief. Whose voice was that? Who had told him that? He felt like it was something that had happened a long, long time ago. Had he really forgotten about it? He tried his best to remember details to these memories, but it was all blurry as if it lay behind a thick layer of fog. Had he really concealed his memories and thoughts about the past so deep down that they had only managed to emerge now in his weakest state of mind?


	6. Urge

The hours flew by quickly as Thatch and Ace finished their preparations. In hindsight there had not been much to do in the first place and Ace was sure that most of the time they had just had mild conversations about whatever had sparked their minds. He was also aware of the fact that Thatch had definitely told more jokes than usual, probably in an attempt to cheer him up.

He did not know if it had worked. But he did feel a little better than before and he definitely appreciated his friend’s attempts of trying to cheer him up. Knowing that Thatch tried to help him without actually knowing what was going on felt good.

Ace had decided to not think too much about Marco until they returned from their mission. Because even though he knew that it was not such an important mission, he did not want to disappoint his pops, or even Thatch for that matter. If Whitebeard thought that he wanted to try out giving Ace new types of tasks, then Ace was definitely the last one who would complain about it. Because the most important thing for him since joining the crew had always been to prove himself worthy of being part of it after all.

Then again he was not sure if he would manage to ignore the thoughts for so long. A lot had happened during the past days. He was glad that he did not have to go on this mission alone at least. If things got worse, he was sure that Thatch would know how to deal with the situation. And really, maybe Thatch was even able to answer him a few questions about Marco if he asked him the correct things in case they happened to have a little free time to talk?

He shook his head slowly. No, it was best if he simply forgot about it for now.

...

Marco’s eyes were empty. Directed at nothing visible as he stood on board of the Moby Dick during the same day’s evening. He had seen Thatch and Ace depart in their small ship what must have been an hour earlier, but it had moved nothing inside of him except for a small, painful feeling in his chest that had left him as soon as it had appeared. He was no longer too worried about the raven haired man. He no longer cared much, although he still saw the image of the younger one’s face flicker in front of his inner eye from time to time. But he felt himself unable to dwell on it for longer. If he had been trying to suppress his feelings, he had finally had a small success in doing so. Even if in a completely different way than he may have wanted to.

The sea lay calm and beautiful behind him. That was the direction Ace had gone off to. In front of him was the island they were anchoring at right now. There was a small town directly here at the coast, he knew, however that there was another one at the other side of the island as well. This was not their first time on this island after all and he had taken his time to explore it in the past to make sure that there were no hidden dangers anywhere.

He knew what he wanted to do. He needed some sort of distraction and he was not likely to get that here on board of the Moby Dick. Sitting alone in his room and drinking just did not do it anymore for him. He needed a distraction, not only from Ace, but from that person from his past as well. It would be no good if these old feelings came to the surface now of all times. After all he had been able to forget about it for so long.

Stretching out his left hand in front of him he stared at it for a while, his face showing a solemn expression. Really, why now of all times? Why did nothing ever leave him alone for good? Why did everything return sometime to haunt him? Even though he knew it was a bad idea he recalled those words once more, but this time it only made him smile weakly. He seemed to remember more now, although it was all still very unclear, but it was somewhat less painful this time. “You were right after all, huh? Always so clever, yoi.” He mumbled more to himself than anyone else.

The next moment he dropped his hand and clenched it into a fist. He took a quick look around to see if anyone was notably watching him, but he was basically alone on deck, except for a few people that were minding their own business. Most of the crew were enjoying their evening on the island, but since this was not such a secluded one like the last island, pops had ordered a lot more of them to stay on board of the ship this time, in case marines or other pirates dared to show their face in front of them.

But he was sure that for this one evening the others would be able to take care of themselves, so he quickly transformed into his phoenix form and took off. The night air was cool and it felt good to him to be flying again. If only this sort of thing were enough to calm him. But it wasn’t.

Marco flew over to the island. Completely ignoring the first town he continued his flight until he could make out the next town in the distance. No one of the crew should be here. Just for today he wanted to be left alone, with no one around who actually knew him. He was aware of how mean that sounded, but he really needed some time for himself before they set sail again, or else he would soon be unable to cope with his situation as it was. And he really did not want to bother anyone with his problems anymore.

He landed somewhere a little to the side of the town, making sure that no one had seen him in his phoenix form and then transformed back into a human being. And even though it gave him an uneasy feeling, he closed the front zipper of his jacket. He did not want people to notice who he was, or else they would get scared and it would only cause problems. So it was best if he took the precautions to prevent something like that from happening.

It took him a minute to reach the town after that. He walked around the streets with a certain determination on his mind, knowing exactly what sort of place he was looking for. By now it was already dark and there were not many people outside anymore, so when he heard loud voices and laughter after a while he knew that he had reached his destination. In front of him lay a small local bar at the corner of a crossroad. It seemed like the perfect place to spend the night at.

He entered the building swiftly and looked around for a moment. A few people raised their heads to look at him as he stepped inside, but except for a couple of men in the back that whispered something to each other while looking at him and then laughed out loud for a moment, no one seemed to take a special kind of interest in him. Which was exactly what he wanted. Just some peace for once.

He took a seat on one of the few empty bar stools that he found and ordered something to drink. He emptied the glass in one gulp and quickly ordered another.

It did not take long for the alcohol to have its effect on him. It made him feel better. Or at least that was what he wanted to believe. But if anything at all it only numbed his thoughts. At least he did no longer have to think about Ace and he did no longer have to think about his past either.

So for a while all he did was drink one drink after another.

As he emptied another glass he suddenly noticed someone taking the seat next to him. It had been empty for a while and he had wondered if it was because he gave off a too depressing aura.

“We take two more of those.” A warm, female voice said, ending her sentence with a light chuckle. He turned his head around to see her point at his glass. Then he looked up.

Her lips were still curled up in a curious smile, her head leaning on her other free hand as she looked at him with notable interest. “My name’s Mary.” She said. “Who are you?”

He felt his head spin a little, probably because he had already drunken too much by now. But he noted how she had long, flowing black hair and dark eyes. It reminded him of Ace. And the sudden memory of the younger man made the pain in his chest return. He tried to ignore it for as best as he could. “I’m Marco.” He said with a smile of his own.

“Marco, huh?” She repeated his name with an unsuppressed interest in her voice. “Haven’t seen you around here before.” She finally stated as the bartender put down their new drinks.

“It’s my first time being here.” He replied truthfully. He remembered now: his reason for coming here in the first place. He had been looking for company. This sort of company, something that would be able to distract him completely. His coming here had not solely been about finding a place to drink in peace, his plans had included more. But picking up women had never been his specialty. Probably because while his friends did it all the time, he himself had never cared so much about it. But it was only now that he remembered why and it sent another sharp pain through his body. He remembered the promise and the person that had meant so much to him in the past.

He took the glass the woman in front of him had ordered and emptied it quickly. “Thanks for the drink.” He said, his voice low and husky. His tongue took its time to lick over his lip as if there was still a drop of the liquid left on it. He could note a change in her expression as she observed him. She crossed her legs and leaned in on him, her upper body touching his arm deliberately.

“You don’t look like one of these stupid men here.” She said, pointing at the room behind them with a swift movement of her head. “But you don’t look like someone who’s here to chat either.” She continued with a grin. “So you probably understand why I approached you in the first place...” She said in a low, seductive whisper, only inches from his ear.

He returned her smile and whispered just as seductively back. “What do I look like to you then?” He certainly liked this woman. She was perfect. This was all he needed. Just some fun for a night to forget about everything else.

“A man with a certain need.” She replied, lingering on the last word a second longer as it rolled over her tongue. The next moment she emptied her glass herself and got up from her seat. Taking slow steps she went over to the only stairs in the room that probably led to the rooms of the bar and with only a quick look back at Marco she made her way upstairs.

The blond did not need another invitation. He got up quickly to follow the woman upstairs. This had definitely been easier than expected, not because of his own efforts though, but what did that matter? It was fine this way. Tomorrow he would return to the Moby Dick and be able to forget about Ace and about everything else as well. And he would finally be able to be himself again.

He had some trouble climbing the stairs that was definitely caused by the alcohol he had drunken, but he did not care. As he reached the room he had seen the woman go into, he entered it without knocking. After all, her words had been a clear enough invitation.

She was standing right behind the door, already clearly anticipating his arrival. As he flung the door to close behind him he lunged forward and, wrapping his arms around her waist, pressed his lips on hers hungrily. Her mouth escaped a surprised gasp as they kissed, tongues soon finding their way to each other. It was a sloppy kiss, filled with pure need and desire.

Marco made the woman move backwards until she hit the edge of her bed with her feet and fell backwards onto the mattress. He followed her quickly, stemming his arms down at each side of her head. She smiled at him with glazed eyes as he leaned down to kiss her once more.

His mind was completely blank right now and he liked it. There was nothing he had to think about anymore, nothing mattered anymore. Like this he would soon be able to completely forget and he truly could not wait for that to finally happen. Just the thought of sleeping with this woman here and now and how Ace and that ghost of his memories would despise him for it made his heart ache painfully. But he knew it was okay. Because their hatred would only make it easier for him to free himself from all of those restricting feelings he had after all.

Marco moved one of his hands down her body and then under her shirt and up again until his fingertips met with her chest. The woman was not wearing a bra and he liked that boldness of hers. He massaged her breast roughly with his hand, brushing his thumb over her nibble while doing so, making sweet moans escape from her that made it clear to him that she like what he was doing.

He was not being gentle, but he was truly trying to hold back at least a little. This was a woman after all, it was not...

Just that moment he had nearly thought of Ace again, his eyes, his lips as they had kissed... his face when he had confessed his feelings...

He swallowed hard. Trying to shake the thought off, he moved his head southwards, sucking and biting at the delicate skin of her neck as her hands suddenly found their way to his hair, moving her fingers through it, just like Ace had done it...

He pressed his eyes together intensely, trying to keep the thoughts from getting into his heads. This was not about Ace, it was not. He had to forget about the raven haired man.

So instead of stopping he took her hands into his and roughly pinned them above her head. She let out a small chuckle. “So you’re that kinda man, I see. I like that.”

He only as much as smirked at her remark as he shifted the weight of his body onto his knees so that his hands were free to remove her shirt. Next he fumbled with the buttons of her trousers and only mere seconds later both landed on the floor behind him. He did not take of his jacket for obvious reasons, but he also did not care much. There was no importance to being able to feel the skin of this woman on his, the only important thing here was that he could fulfill the burning desire that was growing inside of him with something that did not remind him of a certain fire devil fruit user.

So instead he got rid of his own pants, shortly before he lowered his head once more, sucking and biting at her nipples, one after another. She was letting out another moan and mumbled something that he could not quite understand, but did not really care about much anyway.

He moved his hand southwards again, under the fine fabric of her underwear and then without further ado he found her entrance and slipped first only one, but then two fingers inside. She was panting heavily by now, letting out sweet sounds that sounded so unlike the ones he would actually like to hear now. He bit his lip in an attempt to stop these thoughts from coming. This was not about Ace, he tried to remind himself, this was not about finding a replacement, it was not. It was about forgetting and only that.

After a little time, she moved her hands to grab his arm and stopped him in his movements. “Wait.” She said, eyes glazed from lust. “Do it already, please.” Her voice was a mere pleading, but he knew exactly what she meant. He nodded slightly as he retreated his hands and then went over to strip himself off his boxers, his erection was hard and throbbing from need and neglection, and his head was dazed from lust and the still lingering effect of the alcohol he had drunken. But he was still clear enough to crawl from his bed to look for his pants.

She sat up and looked at him curiously and slightly alarmed as he fumbled with the cloth to find his pockets. When he had succeeded he held out a small object in front of him. “Better safe than sorry.” He said with a crocked smile as he opened the package of the condom he was holding and put it on his erection with swift movements of his hands.

She smiled back at him, probably glad that she had found a responsible man. And Marco knew, even if he was drunk that some things should not be neglected.

The next moment he pushed her down again and removed her underwear. He brought himself in position over her and then stopped for a second. “You alright?” He said just to make sure that she was still fine with the situation.

“Yeah, go ahead.” She breathed her agreement and without waiting for another second he pushed into her fast and roughly. She yelped at the sudden contact and Marco let out a deep groan at the relief bringing friction. He had his eyes closed and pushed into her rapidly, her moans filling the room as he tried to suppress his own for as good as possible.

It did not take him too long to get close to his climax and he could feel her tighten around him as well. As she came she threw her arms around him and dug her nails into the skin of his back, but he did not care.

It was only then that he opened his eyes, pushing into her a few more times, before he finally came himself with a deep grunt. And then in the midst of his climax, as his vision blurred, suddenly, below him was no longer the woman that had spoken to him in the bar, but an all too familiar face that he had tried to forget for so long.

“Charlotte.” He whispered, suddenly remembering, his voice was full of pain and fear and the next moment he collapsed onto the woman below him. Only a moment later however, he realized what he had said. He rolled off her and as they were both still panting he brought out a meaningless “sorry.”

Shortly after she got up quickly and started to get dressed. “Ah, don’t worry about it.” She said with a pleased smile on her lips. “Just don’t blame me for your relationship problems now, you wanted this as much as I did.”

As she had finished dressing – Marco had gotten up himself by now – she turned around to him and with a wink she said “You can use the room for tonight.”. There was a pleased expression on her face as she left him to his thoughts then.

He barely heard the door close as she left. He fully remembered now. That name. That face. His past – everything was just completely clear now. The whole purpose of coming here... had absolutely failed in every way possible.


	7. Sea

Despite the offer of that woman to use the room for the night, Marco only stayed in it for a little while longer before he got fully dressed and left. He did not want to waste any more time in this place, now that it was futile anyways. There were memories of her – of Charlotte – clogging up his mind, even though he tried to ignore them for as good as possible. But it was like an avalanche, once the memory had been unleashed there was no more stopping it. He did not even know how he had been able to suppress it for so long in the first place.

His head was a complete mess at the moment. Drinking too much, trying to get rid of his thoughts of Ace... sleeping with a random woman he had only talked to for a minute. Allowing his past to surge his mind like it had just done... really, what was he thinking? What was he doing? He had to get over this soon, fast. Or else people would surely start to notice that something was wrong and that would surely include his pops as well. But these were his problems alone now, he really did not want to bother anyone with them. Not anymore than he already had at least.

As he went downstairs he noticed that there were not very many people left in the room. And those that were still here seemed to be completely drunk. In some corner an old man seemed to be sleeping and snoring loudly.

Reluctantly he went over to the bartender and coughed slightly. “Uhm.” He started, trying to get the man’s attention, who promptly turned around and looked at him. “Yes?” His voice sounded tired and slightly annoyed. It was not like Marco was keen on having this conversation, but truthfully, he felt that he could not just leave like that. “That woman I went upstairs with, yoi.” He said vaguely, suddenly realizing that he had completely forgotten her name, even though it was about the only thing she had told him about herself. “She had a room. Has it been paid for? If not, I would like to do that now, yoi.” After all he was at least this much of a decent man.

The bartender snorted at this remark. “Well that’s a first.” He said, still amused. “Don’t worry about that, she’s a regular. I just hope you don’t think there could be more concerning that woman, eh?” He smirked, giving Marco a challenging glance, the blond however only answered with a short “No, yoi.” Before he slammed some money on the bar. “Then I’ll just pay for my drinks. Keep the rest, yoi.”

And while the bartender was still counting the money he had just received – realizing that his customer had paid at least twice as much as he needed – Marco had already left the building.

The only thing he really wanted now was to get back onto the Moby Dick and fall into his bed. He felt completely exhausted and maybe he would see everything completely differently after a good night’s sleep.

...

A few hours earlier Thatch and Ace had set sail in their small ship. While Ace still had an uneasy feeling in his stomach, he had managed to stay quiet about it for now. But his wish to talk to Thatch about Marco grew from minute to minute.

And then, just after a short while, he sensed a chance to actually initiate a conversation about the topic. The wind seemed to turn against their favor so Thatch commented on how they would probably need longer than originally anticipated.

Ace looked up to the fourth division commander with an unsure look on his face as he tried to say as casually as somehow possible: “Is Marco often this weird?”

Thatch nearly dropped what he was holding upon hearing the question. He turned around to look at the younger man in confusion. “Excuse me?”

Ace cleared his throat in an attempt to not let his voice betray him. “Starting a fight with someone and then acting like nothing has happened?” He elaborated.

“Well...” Thatch seemed to think about it for a moment. “I’ve never seen him start a fight with someone unless they had done something wrong.”

The remark made Ace pout and anger flare up inside him. “I didn’t do anything!” He barked back at his friend. Why did Thatch always think that what had happened had been his fault? Marco clearly was not the saint he believed him to be. If only he would realize that.

Thatch smiled mildly and in an attempt to calm the younger one down said: “See, the problem is that I don’t know what happened. I’m just saying that while I agree that Marco’s been acting really out of himself lately that that’s not his usual behavior.” He sighed heavily. “If you told me what exactly happened, I might be able to help you more.”

Ace seemed to consider it for a moment. Maybe telling Thatch really was not such a bad idea. He was sure that he could trust the brown haired man to keep it a secret, as well. But it was an embarrassing topic after all. And he felt doubt surge in his chest that Thatch would not believe him in the end.

So instead he avoided the request and asked something else instead. “Then, does Marco get drunk often?”

Thatch had made his own assumptions as this whole thing had started. That night a few days back when they were all together at the bar drinking he had seen Ace leave together with Marco. When afterwards Marco had started acting weird he had assumed that something must have happened during that night, but of course there was no prove for such an assumption. And what could it be that Marco... or Ace had done to cause such a tense air between the two? But now that Ace had asked this, he was once more sure that something must have happened between the two during that night. Probably caused by Marco getting drunk, although he usually did not drink too much. Thatch could remember one or two occasions at which he had seen the first division commander completely wasted, but that had been a long time ago and they never really spoke about it anymore either. In the past it had really seemed like Marco had some trouble. Thinks he wanted to forget. And Thatch never blamed him for that. But he knew that Marco had gotten over it, or at least that was what he had hoped.

“Well, very rarely.” He replied truthfully. “Sometimes he even stays on the ship when we reach an island.” He thought about it for a moment. “Well, he does join the parties on the ship. But he doesn’t really get drunk. Marco’s not the type for that I guess. Someone’s gotta keep a cool head after all, y’know? To take care of the others.” He said with a grin.

“Yeah, but on that last island we were Marco did get drunk.” Ace murmured more to himself than saying it to Thatch, but the later heard it nonetheless.

“What did he do that night?” The brown haired man finally asked carefully. Ace suddenly raised his head at the question, the look on his face was scared, like he regretted saying too much already.  
“No-...nothing!” Ace replied too quickly, as he remembered exactly what really had happened. The sensation of Marco’s skin on his... it made blood rush up to his cheeks. He turned around to the blackness of the sea that lay before them, careful to hide his blush as good as possible.

But he had grown too greedy now, he wanted to know more. Some information – any information that would help him understand why Marco had done what he did. So he continued his questioning. “Why does Marco never get himself a woman, like you and the others do?” The thought of Marco leaving a bar with some random woman he had just picked up made him jealous, even though he knew that it was nothing unusual.

“I don’t know.” Thatch replied with a sigh. “Not his kind of thing I guess.” He made small pause and then added. “Maybe he needs a deeper bond with the person he has sex with?” He chuckled at that. Truthfully though, he had never seen Marco with someone. And the blond had never said anything about it either. When a woman tried to initiate talking to him, he would usually send her away. Not that he minded though. That just meant more of a selection for himself.

“S-...so.” Ace started again, clearing his throat once more. There was one more question burning inside him that he truly wanted to be answered. “Has he ever had a girlfriend then?”

Thatch looked at the younger one, suddenly remembering something from a long time ago. One evening Marco had burst into his room, already completely drunk and before Thatch could say anything, Marco had taken a seat in his chair, putting various bottles of liquor on the table. ‘Drink with me.’ He had said and it must have been his tone of voice, but somehow Thatch had been unable to refuse the request. They had drunken through the whole night and Marco had told him about his past. And no matter how drunk he had gotten, he had talked about it so clearly, it had frightened Thatch a little. That, however, had marked the first and only time Marco had ever told him about his past. Somehow it even seemed like Marco himself had forgotten about it after that evening. Like all that had ever mattered was his life on the Moby Dick from then on, like there had never been anything before that in the first place. And Thatch had never dared to ask about it again, somehow knowing it was something that Marco had rather stay hidden.

He decided to not tell Ace. Instead he replied in a more evasive way. “Yeah, of course. Look at how old he is after all! Even someone like him must have had a girl sometime, right?” He reaped an offended look from Ace for that.

“Where is she then?” The younger one asked.

“Who knows? You should ask Marco himself about those things, you know?” Thatch said in an attempt to stop the conversation here. However, seeing where this conversation had lead them and observing Ace’s reactions to what he had said he could not help himself but think that something was weird about the second division commander.

Could it be that Ace liked Marco? Something like that would definitely make all the pieces fit perfectly together. But that was something he could not ask the other one so easily.

...

Their conversation had subsided from that point on and about half an hour later they were finally able to make out their destined island before them. They were sailing to it from the correct angle at least. Thatch was glad.

A moment later he rummaged around the ship for a bit, before he finally found what he was looking for and threw something made out of black fabric over to Ace.

The younger one caught it without effort and lifted a questioning eyebrow at the other one. “What’s that?”

“Wear that. It’s black. It conceals you better at night. And I swear: I will kill you if you dare use your devil fruit powers. You know we already discussed this.” He thought about it for a moment. “Pops would be very disappointed if you fuck this mission up after all.” And just for the occasion Thatch was wearing black clothes himself.

Ace blushed at the remark. He did not plan on fucking this up after all. It was important to him to prove himself to Whitebeard as good as possible. And how hard could it really be to infiltrate a place like this? The base was small and there were not many lights burning. It seemed like it only had few inhabitants. All they had to do was get inside, find that office room, steal some plans and then leave again with no one noticing them.

He put on the black shirt without saying anything. If only he could stop thinking about Marco that would make everything so much easier. But somehow he was not able to. He tried to imagine what kind of woman his girlfriend must have been. A petite type, with long, flowing blonde hair and a cute face? Someone Marco had wanted to protect at all cost? Or maybe she had been a pirate herself, strong, fierce and fearless. Able to take care of herself. Maybe they had only met occasionally. Maybe she had died, or ended their relationship? Maybe Marco had left her at some island and one day they would visit that island and he would get to see her, too.

The thought made him furious. What if Marco still had a girl somewhere? And yet, he had still kissed him and told him that?

Being angry made it hard for him to completely suppress his devil fruit powers. After all, fire was wild and free and when he got enraged he found it hard to control the flames at times.

Thatch seemed to have noticed however, but completely misread the cause of Ace’s uneasiness. “Calm down. This is easy, you can do it.”

Ace gulped and tried to calm himself down as he was told. The rage subsided a little, but it was still there, dwelling right below the surface. “Yeah, sorry. Just got a little excited that’s all.” He said his lie with a grin.

There ship landed exactly where Thatch had calculated. As he made sure that it would stay there until they returned, Ace made an effort to look around and check if really no one had seen them.

When Thatch was done he waved Ace over to him. “Ready?” He asked, his voice lowered and quiet. The other one simply nodded. No, he thought to himself, he was not ready. He still had to get Marco out of his head. If he could not fully concentrate he would danger their mission after all. But he did not want to disappoint Thatch with some lame excuse like that, so instead he told himself that this was not a hard mission after all. Nothing would go wrong even if he was a little distracted, right?


	8. Mission

Marco had successfully suppressed the urge to turn into his phoenix form directly after he had left the building. Because even though there were no people on the street that he was aware of, it would still be a bit risky. If someone did actually see him and started a commotion he would have to deal with before he could return home that would significantly delay his return. And he absolutely did not want that.

So, even though it took him a while to get outside of the town, he did that first before attempting to turn into his phoenix form. Which proved itself to be difficult in his current state. Even though he usually had perfect control over his devil fruit powers, they did not seem to want to listen to him at the moment.

Only after a few minutes of trying did he actually manage to at least turn into his half-phoenix form. This would have to do then. He took off immediately afterwards. His flight was unsteady, but the cold night air made him feel a little better.

He knew it would take him longer to get back to the Moby Dick than it had taken him to get to this village, but that did not matter as long as he would get there eventually. He was sick of being here. All he wanted was to sleep. Indulge in his dreams and forget about this day completely if somehow possible.

...

Thatch had revealed a grappling hook had hidden in his backpack. One perfectly aimed toss later they had their entrance way to one of the windows of the building above them. It was built on the side of a hill, probably to ward off possible intruders. Not that something like that would stop them.

Ace bite back from saying how it would be much easier to just get on top of that building the usual way, but Thatch would surely tell him how this method was more quiet and less noticeable, especially with Ace’s devil fruit powers being a complete give-away in the dark.

It took them a few minutes to get to the window. Minutes of silence that Ace quickly used to let his thoughts wander back to Marco. He was sure of this now. The reason Marco had started to ignore him and everything. Marco probably still had a girl somewhere, or maybe it was even a man for all he knew. But Marco had started to develop feelings towards him, which he, the way he always was, obviously hated himself for. How could he allow himself to develop feelings for someone when he already had someone else he loved? So that was when he had started to ignore and avoid him. But then, during that one night he had gotten completely drunk and gave in to his feelings. That was when he kissed him and confessed his feelings.

But immediately afterwards he had already regretted his doing. In an attempt to fix what he had done he had started to ignore Ace once more and in the end he decided to simply act like nothing had happened, probably thinking that everything would resolve itself that way.

Maybe that person who was special to Marco was actually on the island the Moby Dick was at right now and that was the reason why he did not want to go on their mission even though that would mean defying Whitebeard’s command. And everyone knew that was something Marco would never do.

Maybe it was even differently. Maybe Marco had never really had such feelings towards him and had only searched for a way to justify his actions. Maybe to Marco he had only been good enough for a little fun, but when things had gotten serious, Marco’s consciousness had kicked in and prevented him from going any further.

He needed to know. This was occupying his mind to an extent were it prevented him from even sensing his surroundings. Licking over his dry lips in an attempt to calm himself once more, he finally gave in and whispered to Thatch, who by now was working on opening the window. “So are they still together?” His voice was quiet, but desperate.

Thatch flinched at the sound and turned around to the other man slightly. “Who?” He replied just as quietly.

“Marco and his girlfriend.” The raven haired man said, his heart beating faster in his chest, anticipating his friend’s answer.

But Thatch only looked at him in disbelief. “Are we discussing that now? Wait till we get back to the ship.” He complained quietly before he got back to work.

“But I need to know!” Ace responded, this time a little too loud.

Thatch lifted his finger in front of his lips and made a long ‘shhh’ sound, before his attention was fully on the window in front of him once again. Ace could only roll his eyes in annoyance. He needed to know, why did Thatch not understand that? This stupid mission had started to become completely unimportant to him at the moment and there was no one around to hear them anyway, so why could they not continue to talk about this? It was important he knew right now. He did no longer want to wait. If it was not for that damn bird this mission could have been so much better.

“Do you know who she is?” He finally asked, his voice calmer once again.

There was a quiet clicking sound as Thatch finally succeeded in opening the window. “Sort of.” He replied vaguely, completely aware that Ace would not be quiet until they went through this. He should definitely tell pops that Ace was not cut out for these kind of missions. Better have him do something where he could do some fighting and stuff that did not include being quiet. That would definitely work out a lot better. Why had Whitebeard even decided to send Ace on this mission in the first place? Usually he would have known it would not work out. Everyone could have seen that by as much as glancing at Ace! But here they were now and he would be damned if they failed this mission because of Ace’s impatience.

“Why are you so concerned about it anyway?” He asked as he lifted the window pane and peered inside the dark room in front of them for a moment.

Ace was glad that the fourth division commander was distracted and that it was so dark, or else he would have been able to see the clear signs of embarrassment showing on Ace’s face. “I just want to know.” He mumbled defensively.

Thatch looked at his companion for a moment before he supported himself on the window sill, pushing himself up with the strength of his arms, before climbing inside the dark room. Ace followed shortly after him. “And you need to know those things now of all times?” He asked the black haired man, slightly annoyed at his persistence.

“Yeah.” Ace replied truthfully.

Thatch let out a deep sigh. Really, what was it with that man? What had Marco done that things had turned out like this? Ace being concerned about a potential girlfriend of the first division commander? He knew that could only mean one thing, but as long as Ace did not confirm it himself he did not want to think of it in that way. And telling Ace the truth, telling him what he knew was out of the question. He could not betray Marco like that. But then again it was Marco’s fault he had to deal with this crap now. And if Marco was not able to deal with it himself, he had every right to give Ace a little push, right? Just telling him something to calm his mind was not wrong now, was it?

“Alright, alright.” Thatch said quietly. “But I’ll kill you if you tell Marco I told you about this. Those are private matters that really don’t concern you after all.” He just hoped they were quiet enough for no one to hear their conversation. He was risking to get exposed her for the sake of calming Ace’s consciousness and he did not like it.

Ace nodded eagerly. Not daring to say a word in case it would make Thatch change his mind about the matter.

“He doesn’t have someone like that. No girlfriend...” He said and then added. “And no boyfriend either, for that matter. No one waiting anywhere for him, no one he frequents on any island.” He waited for a second and then added quietly. “We’ll not as far as I knew about it at least. But Marco’s not the type to talk about such matters much.”

That was not a very satisfactory answer to Ace. So in the end all that Thatch had said was that it would be possible, but he knew of nothing? “But there used to be someone.” He remarked in a low tone.

“As I said.” Thatch repeated what he had already said before. “That’s not surprising, is it?” He hoped that the conversation was over with that so he started to look through the room they were in. It was a small room that was probably used as an office. He was not sure if it was the one they were looking for, but if it was they were pretty lucky. He was startled out of his thoughts when Ace continued to talk, this time louder than before.

The raven haired man had not even noticed that he had raised his voice, he felt like he was not aware of his surroundings anymore. All that mattered at the moment were the information he was able to obtain about Marco. “So does he still love them?” He asked, anxiety creeping up inside of him once more. Even if Marco was no longer together with that person that did not mean that he did not love them anymore. That did not mean that they were no hindrance. Marco could still be completely devoted to that person and that would mean that no matter what, he would never accept Ace, not even as a simple replacement. It would explain everything so perfectly; it made him wince at the thought.

“Holy shit, Ace.” Thatch exclaimed, trying to stay quiet even though the younger one was getting on his nerves now. “Be quiet, or do you want the marines to notice us?”

Ace only shrugged his shoulders. Of course he did not want that, but then again he would not care if it happened. His mind was completely set on finding out what he needed to know, instead of looking for some secret information he could not care less about at the moment.

“How should I know about that?” Thatch replied in return, hoping to open the younger one’s eyes with that. Making him realize that he was asking the wrong person about these things.

“You are his friend! Just tell me already what it is that...!” He stopped there, he realized that he was being unfair and too loud, too. But he felt like Thatch knew exactly what he wanted to know. And yet all he did was talk around the bush, acting like he could not tell him.

Thatch’s fingers were on a line of writing on one of the papers that was lying on the desk before him. He was trying to concentrate on his reading, but at the same time trying to concentrate on Ace, who was clearly getting out of hand. “What it is that what?” He asked in return, thinking that if he really had to spill the beans here and now he at least wanted to know what for.

Ace gulped. He understood he had to talk about what had happened if he wanted to make any progress here. “On the last island we were. That night we were all at the bar together.” He started, finally able to talk about it somehow felt good. If he could get someone else’s opinion about the matter it might all make more sense to him after all. “Marco got drunk and followed me back to the ship.”

“Yeah.” Thatch interjected to illustrate that he was still listening, but while he was glad that Ace was finally talking about the matter, he had also found a very interesting document that he was scanning right now.

“Well he...” Ace faltered for a moment, before he mustered up his courage and finally said it. “He said he fell in love with me.” He shifted his head to look to the side, not daring to look Thatch straight in the eye. His arms were hanging loosely against his body, his whole posture making him seem smaller than he already was. Weaker.

Thatch looked up from the paper that had several drawings of guns and blade weapons on it and looked at the younger one in confusion. “Sorry?” He was unable to comprehend what he had just heard. He had assumed that Ace was having some sort of feelings for the first division commander. But he never would have thought that it was the same the other way around. Was that even possible? Would Marco really? And then telling him, too. It would surely explain a few things, but still...

Ace did not look up. “You heard me.” He said quietly. “It’s true.” He added, as he felt the need to defend himself. “So are you going to tell me who that person is now?” He demanded with an angry edge to his voice.

Thatch dropped the papers he had been reading. He had found what they needed. Quick and easy, he would have never thought they would have it lying around like this. But the easier, the better. They had to get out of here, especially with Ace being so talkative. On their way back he would be able to explain a few things to the younger one, he could tell him a few things about Marco. But there was one thing he could not tell him, something only Marco could tell him himself.

“No.” He said calmly. “I’m sorry Ace, but I’m really in no position to tell you. That would be completely unfair towards Marco.” He said, trying to make it sound as friendly as possible. He was not trying to mock Ace. But there were things about other people that one should not talk about. Marco had a right to decide on this on his own and Thatch was sure that it would be a lot better if Ace heard it from the blond instead.

He had been unable to foresee what would happen next. Ace finally lifted his head to look at him. His eyes were full of hatred that made Thatch flinch back. Ace was furious. No one ever cared about how these things were completely unfair towards him. It was always just Marco this, Marco that. Let’s be especially friendly to Marco while no one gave a crap about how he was feeling. Why did they all feel the need to toy around with him like that? If Thatch did not want to tell him about it, why had he agreed to have this conversation in the first place? Why had he told Ace he could talk to him about the matter if it was just going to be like this?

“Fuck this, Thatch! You know Marco’s not going to talk about it. That’s why you wont tell me either, right?” He was nearly screaming, putting little effort in trying to stay calm and quiet know. He would not mind the whole marine base hearing him. At least he would have something to let off steam then. “In the end he’s just toying around with me and you probably know about it, too!” He yelled.

“Ah, crap.” Was all that left Thatch in an angry mutter. He had done it completely wrong, but now it was too late. Someone had probably heard them already. He took a quick look back to the papers he had been reading earlier and suddenly noticed something. He looked up to Ace, uneasiness creeping up his mind. “We gotta leave, now.” He said firmly, no longer whispering himself.

“I don’t care. I’ll be glad to beat someone up.” Ace gave back as he moved not an inch from where he was standing, while Thatch had gotten back to the window, trying to pull Ace with him. But he realized it was futile unless he could somehow persuade Ace to continue this on their ship instead of here.

Just as he wanted to say something else, he heard the door to the room they were in creak open. There was a young marine soldier standing there, looking at them completely shocked.

Ace did not hesitate, turning his left hand into fire he shot a small flame into the direction of the door, but decided not to hit the soldier, instead the flames hit the wall beside him, where a small picture quickly caught fire.

This was bad, Thatch thought. They had to get out of here, now. “Ace, come on!” He tried desperately, but the younger one did not react to him at all.

The marine soldier seemed scared, but instead of running he pulled out a gun and pointed it at Ace. “Stay where you are, or I’ll shoot!” He screamed courageously.

Thatch tried to pull Ace back once more, thinking of how to make him realize what was going on, remembering what he had just read on that paper. This was bad, a complete disaster.

Ace did not budge. He only laughed manically before saying in a way too calm voice. “Go ahead, shoot.”

“NO!” Thatch yelled as the marine soldier flinched at Ace’s remark and actually pulled the trigger. Thatch lunged forward, but he was too late. The bullet flew past him.

Ace did not understand what the problem was, a bullet like that would not be able to hurt him after all. All he had to do was turn the part of his body it was aimed at into fire and it would fly right through him. But as he did so and the bullet came into contact with his body, his flames suddenly retracted and flesh was forming around the part were the bullet entered him. He realized his mistake too late as his body was thrown back. He fell. There was blood staining the clothes Thatch had given him. His head hit the ground behind him, giving off a loud noise that was completely disturbing. He quickly lost consciousness.


	9. Return

The next thing that happened was that he fell into darkness while a strange numbness spread through his entire body. He could not move. He could not see. It was completely confusing. He knew something bad had just happened, but he did not seem to be able to remember what it had been.

Then suddenly, his body came to a halt. There was a strange humming noise and he realized too quickly that what he was hearing was his own blood rushing through his body and that was also when he became aware of his heartbeat as well. It was painfully loud and way too fast.

He tried to remember what had happened. But his thoughts were completely distorted. It felt like walking through a thick fog that would not even allow him to see his own hands if he held them in front of his eyes.

Then suddenly the fog seemed to clear up. He opened his eyes. They were heavy and it took him a while to lift his eyelids. But once he managed to do it, he could make out a person standing in front of himself.

It was Marco. He was wearing a weak and utterly sad smile, continuously whispering something he was unable to understand acoustically.

Ace tried to reach out his hand to touch the other man, but his body failed to listen to his command. In just that moment however, Marco seemed to finally notice him. His look was almost piercing through him and he then said a little louder. “I’m so sorry Ace. I can’t. I just can’t.” His voice was shaking, his whole body trembling as he lifted his arm. With horror Ace noticed the gun the blond was holding in his hand. “I’m so sorry. But there’s someone else I love.” As he pulled the trigger his eyes widened as if he was going crazy. “You have to go, yoi.” Marco’s voice was no longer weak or shaking, instead it was simply cold and hard.

The bullet flew too slowly and as it pushed inside Ace’s body he could feel his skin tear apart and his insides burn from a hotness he had never felt before.

Then only a moment later he awoke from his nightmare with a gasping sound. His whole body was in so much pain, he felt like he was actually dying. His vision was hazy, his eyes only opened a gap wide, but he could make out a person that was leaning over his body, pressing down on him. “Please don’t die on me Ace.” A strained, but familiar voice was saying. “We are nearly back, you can do it.”

He wanted to smile, but of course he failed. The pain was too much, but he knew that there was a hole ripped into his body after all. He wondered if he would actually die now. Maybe Marco would cry for him, or maybe he would be glad because that would mean one of his problems had resolved itself after all.

His vision blurred again, his eyes dropped shut a second after. It was too exhausting to keep them open. He really just wanted to sleep now. Just a little nap would not be a problem after all... He could feel darkness getting a hold of him once more as his mind slowly slipped away, back into the pitch black nothingness of his nightmares.

...

A few minutes earlier Thatch had had his own worst nightmare come true. His partner in a seemingly easy mission had been heavily wounded.

He had lunged forward towards the attacker, but as he had knocked the marine soldier out he had already heard the inauspicious sound of a body falling down behind him. Ace had been shot. And it was Thatch’s fault. He had been responsible for their mission. What was he going to do? He had to get the raven haired man out of here quickly, hope that he would not...

He did not dare to follow that thought completely to the end. If anything he absolutely refused to believe that Ace would not make it through this, no matter what.

So he quickly peered around the corner of the door before himself, seeing a few other marine soldiers run towards him that were yelling at him that he should not move. At least he could not make out any higher ranked marines, so he could probably get away without any further conflict. Getting into a fight now was too risky and would take too much time, so he decided to ignore the marines if somehow possible.

He quickly turned around and with swift movements he was at Ace’s side. And as he had feared, the raven haired man had been hit by the bullet and the bullet had definitely been made out of sea stone. Crap. If only they had not talked so much he could have told him about the documents he had been able to find. There had been a lot of information concerning sea stone infused weapons on it and actual notes concerning the ability to create them more easily, too. It had not been too hard to guess that the marines were trying to spread them among their lower ranked soldiers as well. But why here and now? Why did he have to be cursed with such bad luck?

He lifted Ace’s body carefully in his arms and went over to the window. At least Ace was still breathing, even if he did not look too well. He would need to be quick. Get back to the Moby Dick as fast as possible. He had to save his friend no matter what. He would not allow Ace to die on such a mission.

He jumped out of the window, bouncing off a few ledges as he did, before he reached the bottom of the island where their ship was at. There was no need to take this slowly anymore, they had already been discovered anyway and he would rather like to leave this island before the marines got down here to slow him down.

As he carefully lay Ace down onto the ship, bullets started flying down towards them. Luckily, the marines were still further away and unable to aim correctly this time thanks to the distance, so he actually managed to get away before any more damage was done.

...

He reached the Moby Dick panting from exhaustion. They had made it back quicker than he had ever thought was possible, especially remembering how long it had taken them to get to the marine base in the first place.

Once the ship had come to a standstill, he carefully lifted Ace’s body up. There were already people assembled on the Moby Dick, looking down to him. Seemingly aware of the fact that something was clearly wrong.

“Get the nurses!” Thatch screamed, as he made his way up to the ship. People started to gather around him, there were gasping sounds of shock and some asked what had happened. He heard a few questions of whether Ace was dead and he could understand why. The body of the younger man he was still holding in his arms seemed lifeless, but he had no doubt that Ace was still alive and would make it through this. “Make way!” He barked angrily and people quickly stepped away from him to allow him to get through. The nurses had already made it to where he was and they had brought a stretcher, too. So once he reached them he carefully placed Ace’s body onto it. “He was shot. The bullet’s made out of sea stone.” He said quickly, still gasping for air. “Hit his head as well.” He added, knowing that there was little else he could do for Ace. But at least he knew that his friend was in capable hands now.

“We’ll do what we can.” One of the nurses assured him and then turned around to follow the others that were quickly bringing Ace to the infirmary.

Thatch did not know what else to do now that the responsibility was no longer in his hands, so he thought of following them, hoping that just by being close to his friend that would somehow make a difference, but he suddenly felt a big hand firmly grip his shoulder.

“Son.” He heard Whitebeard’s voice behind him. It was calm, but strong and questioning. He did not turn around. The word had painfully pierced him as if it was an accusation and it made him sorely aware of the fact that Ace’s injury was his fault alone.

“Stay here, there’s nothing else you can do, son.”

He swallowed hard and slowly and then finally turned around to the man he called his father. He did not dare look him in the eye, however. “I’m sorry.” He said, glance still directed at his own feet. “It’s my fault he got hurt. I know I was in charge, I should have protected him...” The words nearly refused to come out, he felt his voice cracking. He was ashamed. And scared. If only he had not let it happen. What if Ace would not make it? What if he died? The thought was so prominent on his mind, by now he was almost completely sure his friend would not make it. And it would be his fault alone.

“Come.” Whitebeard said, not reacting to his son’s words at all. His hand had moved to Thatch’s back and he carefully pushed him into the direction of the side of the ship, waving his hand as a gesture to tell the other crew members to leave them alone for a moment. After a little hesitation they did as they were told although they all wanted to know what was going on. But it was clear to most of them that Thatch definitely needed a moment to himself.

“Sit.” Whitebeard said shortly. Thatch reluctantly took a seat as he was told and his father sat down right next to him.

“You weren’t the one who hurt him, right?” The old man suddenly asked and it made Thatch lift his head and widen his eyes in surprise. “N-no.” He stammered.

“Then it’s not your fault either.” Whitebeard said with a mild smile on his lips. “Tell me what happened.”

Thatch suddenly felt more at ease then. His father did not blame him. Even after something like this he did not doubt his son. He gave him the chance to explain. He understood. It did not take the guilt or fear he was feeling away, but it helped him to calm down a little.

So after he had taken a deep breath he told Whitebeard everything that had happened and that he knew and he did not dare to leave anything out. Even though he knew that what was going on between Marco and Ace was their own matter, he even told his father about that. And he also told him how he had failed to restrain Ace and how he had failed to tell him about the imminent danger before it had been too late.

Whitebeard did not interrupt his son while he was talking and when Thatch was done, Whitebeard thoughtfully stroke his chin with one of his hands. “I knew something like that was up. That’s why I paired them up for the mission in the first place.”

Thatch looked up to him. Had he hear correctly? Whitebeard had already guessed all of that and he had been trying to support them?

The old man considered saying some more for a moment, but then decided to leave it at that. Instead he patted the back of his son in a comforting gesture and before he got up to leave him he said: “Ace is strong. He will get through this.”

And Thatch only mumbled his reply. “I hope he will.” He still felt completely at fault for what had happened. And it seemed like there was nothing anyone could say to convince him otherwise.

By now the news had spread among the crew as well. The atmosphere on the ship had quickly turned into a gloomy one. Most people were just sitting around, not daring to say anything and simply hoping for news regarding Ace’s condition.

Thatch was still sitting at the place where Whitebeard had left him, arms propped up on his legs, absentmindedly chewing on the tip of his thumb as a thought suddenly came to him. Marco. Where was Marco? Did he already know? He quickly looked around the deck of the ship but did not see him anywhere. What if Marco was in his room and had not heard of what had happened yet? Someone had to tell him.

Thatch got up slowly. He had a bad feeling in his gut, but he knew this had to be done. Someone had to tell Marco. And if he told him what had happened himself and the blond would blame him for it that would be fine. He was really at fault after all and he was completely aware of that so there was no way he would run from this responsibility.

But even after looking for Marco nearly everywhere, he was unable to find the first division commander on board of the Moby Dick.


	10. Consequences

The first thing Marco noticed as he could finally make out the Moby Dick before him, was that there were still many people on deck although it was already very early in the morning. The sun had not come up yet and he had been sure that most people would still be asleep when he arrived, making it easy for him to simply slip into his own room without being noticed.

But the fact that so many of his crew were still awake made him think that maybe something must have happened while he had been away. There was a bad feeling in his gut right away. Guilt was creeping up his body and nestling in his chest. He should have stayed on the ship. What if they had been attacked while he was gone? It would have been his responsibility to fight, but instead he had left to have fun.

He landed on deck, a few people making place for him as he took a few quick steps to slow himself down before turning back into his human form.

He noticed the front of his jacket was still closed and shame rushed through him as he opened it with a quick movement of his hand before looking around and asking someone random about what had happened. He did not receive an answer, but instead an unsure look from the person he had asked. He realized that the overall mood seemed to be depressed. Most people were just sitting around with bowed heads. He wondered what had happened and why no one cared to inform him about it.

Then he heard loud and fast footsteps approaching him from behind.

"Where the hell have you been?!"

He heard Thatch's furious voice.

"Away." He replied quickly and evasively as he turned around. "What's wrong?" He added with an anxious touch to his voice. What had he done that his friend was mad at him like this? And why was Thatch already back on the ship? He had been sure that he would be able to return to the Moby Dick before Thatch and Ace. Had something gone wrong during their mission? Where was Ace?

Thatch did not reply, instead he grabbed Marco's arm and pulled him away from the crowd to a more secluded area of the ship. As he let go of the other one's arm, Marco was standing with his back to a wall. Thatch came closer to him. But almost instantly an unpleasant smell penetrated his nose and he recoiled quickly.

"Have you been drinking?!" He barked, completely furious. But there was more. He could definitely smell something very unusual on Marco as well.

"And is that a woman's perfume?" He looked at his friend disgustedly. What the hell had Marco been doing while Ace was struggling for his life? He had been waiting, at first worried, but as time had passed without any news of neither Marco's whereabouts, nor Ace's condition, he had grown angrier. He had waited on deck of the Moby Dick to be able to tell Marco what had happened before anyone else did it. Then he had urged himself to calm down when he finally saw the phoenixes blue flames in the distance, knowing that of course Marco was not obliged to stay on the ship at all times. But seeing the condition in which Marco had returned to their ship had only further fuelled his anger.

"What's it matter to you..." The blond replied in a low voice, averting his eyes from Thatch in a clearly embarrassed gesture.

Thatch's eyes narrowed in irritation as his clenched fist suddenly shot forward without warning, creating a loud cracking noise as it connected with Marco's face.

Blue flames quickly appeared and instantly licked at the wound, trying to make sure that it would disappear completely in a moment. "What the hell..." Marco muttered as he rubbed the damaged part of his face.

The next time Thatch's fist shot forward Marco caught it with his own hand, pushing his friend slightly away before letting him go.

"You know there's no point in hitting me, yoi." He said coldly as the last of his flames disappeared, leaving his face perfectly unscathed. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

He had completely regained his composure. He knew that at the moment there were probably a lot of unpleasant things he deserved, but being punched in the face by his friends for having a night of fun for once was surely none of them.

"It's your fault." Thatch growled as he dropped his hand. Marco's attitude pissed him off, but even he knew that there was no point in getting any more violent. It might help him blow off steam, but it would not help Ace in any way.

"What's my fault, yoi?" Marco asked. He was still calm, although he was sure there was an unsettling feeling nestling somewhere in his chest, causing his heart to beat faster in anticipation.

"Why didn't you go with Ace?" Thatch asked accusingly, his voice trembling as he tried to fight back his anger. "Why'd you push him away?" He took a small break to audibly breathe in and out, trying to calm down. But it was futile. "Why'd you tell him that for then?" He was nearly choking on his own words now. "Why, Marco?"

The blonds eyes widened in immediate understanding. "He told you." He simply whispered, suddenly completely aware of what was going on.

Thatch only nodded slightly. "He just wouldn't shut up about you. Talked through the whole mission, even though I urged him to be quiet. One of the marines heard us, he –" There was a break in his voice once more, but he continued anyway. "He shot at him." His eyes were piercing through Marco as he said it. "I knew the moment he fired. Sea stone. But Ace didn't realize it. It's..." He stopped once more and then his voice suddenly had a scared undertone to it. "It's not my fault." He brought out. "I tried to calm him down."

Then his composure changed once more, expressing anger once again. His voice had grown louder as well. "So you." The words came out slowly. "You. You tell him you're apparently in love with him – which is completely ridiculous, given that you suddenly start to avoid him afterwards. And you tell Pops you can't go on a mission with Ace. And instead of taking care of him you go to that island to have some fun with a woman?!" He was spitting out the words.

"That's not –" Marco tried to reply, but Thatch interrupted him.

"If it had been you." he said, his voice more quiet again. "You could have protected him." And suddenly his own words made him realize: the problem he had was not what Marco had done. He knew there was a reason for Marco to act the way he had, he knew that Marco probably had not lied to Ace, but that it must have been difficult for him. He knew for what reason Marco must have tried to avoid Ace. But that was not it. The thing he was so angry about was his own inability to protect his friend.

He lowered his glance before finally quietly saying: "I'm sorry I couldn't protect him." The whole anger he had been feeling was suddenly gone and had made place for an utterly defeating feeling of complete regret.

Marco's mouth was dry, his eyes open wide. He tried to comprehend the information he had just received. He licked over his lips and made an attempt to speak, but as he slowly realized what it was Thatch had just told him, he completely failed at forming the simplest of words.

Ace shot. Sea stone. Ace was hurt. He had been shot. His Ace might be dead, he might be –

He looked up, desperately trying to find a clue in the man standing before him.

"He's alive, right?" He suddenly brought out, his voice sounding so desperate it frightened even himself. What would he do if the answer to his question was no? What would he do if Ace was no longer alive and things between them would stay like this forever? What would he do with all of his regrets?

There was no way Ace could be dead. He did not even want to try imagining it. This was all just some sort of bad joke. A stupid dream. He was still in that room and sleeping. His mind was playing tricks on him. It couldn't be. Ace couldn't be dead.

"I hope he is." Thatch replied weakly. "The nurses are taking care of him."

"This is no dream, huh?" Marco said, covering his face with his hand as tears pricked his eyes. "I'm such a fool." Why did there always have to be such consequences to every little mistake he made? Just like Thatch had said, he should have protected Ace. Everything that had happened was surely and without fail his fault for his inability to even protect someone who was so important to him.

The next moment he abruptly turned around and started to walk away without an explanation. Thatch followed him with quick strides. "Where are you going?" He asked confusedly.

"Infirmary, yoi." Marco replied shortly.

Thatch nodded. "They won't let you in." he said. But he, too, hoped that there was news about Ace's current condition.

"I'm sorry for what I've done, yoi." Marco said as they were walking side by side. He had set his mind on one thing: that Ace was fine. And he would no longer allow himself to think otherwise. The thought calmed him down a little at least.

"I never planned on telling him." He continued, suddenly feeling the urge to tell his friend about it – to defend his own actions. "I shouldn't have done what I've done, but I can no longer change that now, yoi." There was a small pause before he continued. "But even now – I still couldn't do it." He said, his voice low. "In the end Ace would be better off just forgetting about it." He ended as they finally reached the door to the infirmary.

"Don't expect me to just idly stand by while you continue that little game of yours when he gets through this." Thatch replied, his voice cold, newly infuriated by the evasive way of Marco to talk about the matter.

"It's not a game, yoi." Marco let out as he was looking around to see if there was anyone who could fill them in about the current situation. "Out of all my brothers." He sighed. "You should know best that I can't do this, yoi." His eyes fixed on the brown haired man beside him once more.

And Thatch knew. He knew damn well what Marco was talking about. But he also knew that Ace definitely deserved knowing the truth. And if Marco would be unwilling to tell him, he himself would surely make sure to do it instead. Because after all, that was the least that Ace deserved after everything that had happened.

Marco could not believe he had started talking about this now of all times. Was it not more important how Ace's condition was? Was he really such an idiot to think discussing this now had any priority? Why could he not just simply focus on Ace's wellbeing and instead tried to constantly defend himself and his doing? Had he really turned into such a self-centered being?

And even Thatch could not believe the blond standing beside him. Was this really the Marco he had known for so long? Why was he more worried about himself than the man he supposedly loved? The man who was right this second probably still struggling to stay alive? Thatch could not help himself but feel angry at Marco for being such a fool. For having been the best of friends for so long, this would surely be the matter that would manage to get them apart. But he could not help it. Ace was being treated completely unfairly by the first division commander and Thatch would definitely no longer allow it. If only he knew how Ace was doing...

...

They did not continue their conversation after that. Partly because there was nothing left to say and partly because they did not want to disturb anyone inside the infirmary, just in case the people inside would be able to hear them and their discussion from outside.

Just half an hour later the door to the infirmary was suddenly opened and one of the nurses stepped outside.

Marco jumped at the creaking sound of the door and looked up to the woman who was now standing in front of him and Thatch with an unreadable expression on her face.

"How's he doing?" He asked, feeling completely cold and anxiously anticipating her reply.

She raised her head to look at him and with the faintest of smile replied. "He'll make it." She paused shortly. "He was incredibly lucky. If a normal bullet had hit him like that he would have died." She explained, ignoring a fact that a normal bullet would have never been able to actually hit him in that situation.

Marco had held his breath in without realizing and upon hearing that Ace was okay, he let it out. It felt like an unbearable weight was suddenly lifted off of his shoulders and he could not help it but direct a glad smile at Thatch.

Of course Thatch was feeling the same, of course he was happy that Ace was alright, but he still felt distressed knowing that for Ace there were still a lot of bad things ahead. And he could only hope that Marco would make up his mind and deal with it in a way that would not hurt the younger one any more than his behavior already had.


	11. Awakening

Ace's dreams never stopped. Sometimes they were painful, filled with memories and thoughts he had tried to bury. Sometimes they were composed out of his own wishful thinking; sometimes they just made the reality painfully aware to him once more. And Marco appeared in them a lot.

The most comforting thing to him had been when at one point he had felt his devil fruit powers return to him. The flames had engulfed him soothingly as he had whispered his apologies for ever losing them in the first place. He had been able to feel his condition getting better from then on, but the dreams never stopped as he felt unable to awake from his current state. And one after another his dreams had become more vivid and more painful as well.

This time he felt like he was standing and surrounding him was nothing but a thick, white fog. There was nothing and no one and there had not been for what felt like an eternity to him. He remembered Marco and everything that had happened. That one night played endlessly in his mind back and forth, again and again. He felt like he was missing something. Hoped that he was missing something. Anything that would help him understand why things had turned out the way they had.

Then sometimes he heard a gunshot. And his body would freeze in place. He was always unable to make out the shooter. But he could smell and see blood leaking from his chest. Was he dying? Was he dead? This pain at least was real. At least he knew where this feeling was coming from.

Then there was Marco again. Standing right before him, but he did not look at him, did not even notice him. There was a woman at Marco's side, but Ace failed to make out her face. Marco would put his hand in hers and smile as he walked away, hand in hand with a woman Ace did not know. The black haired man was being left behind by Marco as if he was worthless.

Sometimes he swore he could feel his heart break at the sight and sometimes he could hear muffled screams escape his throat and sometimes there were tears overflowing from his eyes, blurring his vision until he was no longer able to see the people before him. Then, in the end there was simply nothing and he realized at some point that these dreams were completely distorted. But he had long forgotten what the actual truth was.

He was aware that some of these dreams were mere reflections of what had actually happened and some were not. But here he was, trying to decide what was real and what was not and it got harder with every passing moment.

And sometimes, as soon as he closed his eyes, there was nothing but the faint feeling that Marco had done him wrong and if anything, he never wanted to see him ever again.

It was only after an unmeasurable amount of time that the fog in his mind finally started to clear up. He could hear unfamiliar voices from far away and a bright light trying to forcefully pry open his eyelids.

...

A few days after the incident Ace finally awoke. There was a lot of talking and rustling and people rushing through the room. Someone called "He's waking up." And Ace would have really liked to tell them to shut up as all the noise was somehow unsettling, but his voice would not listen to him.

When he finally managed to open his eyes a little – vision still blurry – he could make out the face of a woman above him. She was saying something to him, but he did not quite hear her. The next second he closed his eyes once more and fell back into a deep slumber. His eyes were so heavy, way too heavy to already open them now.

Then, only a few hours later, he opened them once more. This time it worked better, this time he actually felt like he wanted to wake up. He was tired of sleeping as he felt like he must have slept for ages. There was not such a commotion this time upon his awakening, so by the time he had fully opened his eyes and they had accustomed themselves to the bright light inside the room, he could only make out a nurses in his room and right at his side sat someone very familiar, staring at him with an unbelieving look on his face and a faint smile on his lips that looked too friendly to be an honest smile.

Ace's eyes widened and his upper body jolted up. The sudden motion sent a sharp pain through his body and he sucked in a deep breath through his teeth as he tried to move back by an inch and finally said "Go away!" to the person sitting next to him, his voice shaking and his mind racing at the thought of him being here.

The blond, who had definitely not expected a reaction like this, looked at him with fearful eyes.

"Ace, it's me. Marco. Calm down, yoi. You have to lie down." He reached out with his hand to touch the younger one in a calming gesture, but Ace pushed his hand away.

"No, no, no." The raven haired man whispered, his eyes were filled with horror and fear.

A nurse was quickly beside Marco, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him away from the bed.

"You have to leave." She said firmly, but Marco resisted, looking back and forth between her an Ace, completely unable to believe what was going on.

He had been at Ace's side ever since they had allowed him to enter his room. He had even slept here in the chair beside him. Truthfully, he had actually decided to not do this to himself – or Ace for that matter. He had actually wanted to simply forget about it all. But the thought of Ace being hurt had been too painful. He had hoped that his own presence would help the younger one. A selfish thought. Because in the end what he had truly believed was that by staying at Ace's side he would be able to make up his own mind about the situation.

In the end that was at least what he had done – he had finally come up with a decision. He would tell Ace the truth about why he had acted the way he had. He would make him understand that whatever the younger one thought could be between them would definitely be impossible. Marco knew that he could no longer leave things the way there were at the moment, because everything that had already happened only showed him that this whole matter had become too big to simply be forgotten by the both of them. So instead he would try to convey his feelings correctly this time and he would definitely fix this whole situation in a way that would leave them both in a position where they could deal with it better. And in the end that would definitely make it less painful for him and Ace as well.

Moments later the door to the room was suddenly thrown open and Thatch stepped inside. He had been waiting outside the room, talking to one of the nurses. But hearing the commotion from inside the room he had been afraid that something had happened.

Upon seeing that Ace was finally awake, his eyes brightened and he wanted to call out to his friend, but the nurse interrupted him by carefully grabbing his arm and looking at him with a distressed and pleading expression.

"Please." She said, waving her other hand in the direction of the first division commander. "Marco has to go."

It took Thatch a moment to assess the situation, but upon seeing the expression on Ace's face he suddenly understood what was going on.

He quickly walked over to Marco and grabbed him by the arm. He pulled him up from his chair and when the blond tried to resist he said: "Don't be stupid Marco, come on.".

The first division commander reluctantly gave in and let himself be dragged out of the room by Thatch.

Outside Thatch pushed the blond a little away from the door and closed it behind them.

"I need to talk to him, yoi." Marco said quickly, his voice sounding desperate.

"Yeah." Thatch said. "But let's allow him to wake up first, okay?" He tried to calm the other one down. "He didn't seem very happy to see you. We've talked about this Marco, you knew it might happen." It was hard for him to say these things. After all he knew how Marco was feeling and even he himself felt bad for how things were at the moment. But of course it was no surprise that Ace was unhappy to see Marco and since he had been sure that something like this might happen he had stayed close to the infirmary to be able to prevent Marco from doing anything stupid once the raven haired man awoke.

The blond nodded slowly. Although he had been aware of it, he had completely rejected the idea of Ace actually reacting this way upon seeing him. But of course, after what had happened it was only natural, right? "I'll wait here, yoi." He said weakly, reluctantly accepting the situation as it was.

"Good." Thatch agreed before turning around.

But Marco reached out with his hand and grabbed his friends shoulder before he could leave.

"Just..." He started. "Please try to talk to him. I can't leave things as they are now, yoi."

Thatch smiled back to the blond. "I will." He promised right before opening the door to Ace's room once more and slipping inside, swiftly closing the door behind him, leaving Marco outside.

Ace had slumped down onto the bed again. He did no longer look too distressed, which was a good sign.

The nurse gave Thatch a quick nod as he looked at her and then left to leave the both of them alone.

"Ace." Thatch said, unable to hide how glad he was that his friend had finally woken up. "How do you feel?" He asked.

"My head hurts." The younger one replied dryly.

Thatch took a seat next to the bed and looked at the raven haired man worriedly. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah." Ace replied shortly, thinking about it for a moment. "I'm sorry." He finally added after a moment.

There was an unpleasant sting in Thatch's chest upon hearing the apology. "Don't be, it wasn't your fault."

Ace however ignored him and quickly changed the topic. His glance was directed to the side and Thatch did not fail to notice that during this whole time the younger one had not even looked at him once.

"Why was Marco here?" Ace finally asked quietly. There was a pain in his voice that was hard to miss.

Thatch thought about the question for a moment before answering. "He's worried about you."

A shallow laugh escaped Ace's lips. "Really?" He asked, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Yeah, of course." Thatch said. "Did you think he wouldn't care?"

Ace smiled faintly. "I thought he would be happy if I – you know – died. Stopped being a problem for him."

Because that was what he apparently was. Just a problem, a burden to the first division commander. Because after all it was his fault Marco had acted so weirdly and it was his fault that Marco had neglected his duties.

There was another sharp pain in Thatch's chest. Seeing his friend like this, hearing him say something like that about his own death was more than painful. But he was sure that Ace did definitely not really mean what he had just said.

"He wants to talk to you." Thatch said carefully.

"I don't care." Ace replied sharply. But of course he still did. He still wanted to know the truth. But most of all he only wanted these painful feelings to stop and he did not want to know anything anymore if it only meant that he would get hurt again. And he did not want to be a bother to anyone anymore either. Not to Marco. Not to Thatch. And not to his pops, either. If he could just simply get through this without causing any more problems that would be enough. He did not need the explanations. He did not need any truths. He did not need to see Marco anymore, or think about him anymore. He only needed to bury these feelings and get back on track.

It was that simple after all. And he suddenly wished that he could sleep again. His dreams had been unclear, weird and painful, but at least no one had bothered him in them. And he had bothered no one either.

Thatch sighed heavily. Here he was between two utter fools who both refused to accept their own feelings and he was growing tired of the situation. Clearly, these two would never do the first step into the right direction and things would just continue to go back and forth like this if no one helped them.

"Alright." He suddenly said. "You don't have to talk to Marco." He assured his friend. "But you'll listen to me." His voice was hard and allowing no back talking this time. "Right?" He asked.

It was then that Ace finally looked up to him, his eyes filled with confusion. "If this is about Marco – " He started, but was quickly interrupted by Thatch.

"You wanted to know about him and whatever potential girlfriends of his and all that. And you threatened our mission for that and you got yourself hurt for it, too." Thatch said, his voice sounding slightly annoyed and still hard and unfaltering. "I'm willing to tell you what I know now, so you better listen." And he truly hoped that by hearing the truth Ace would change his mind and accept Marco's wish to talk to him.

So he told him everything he knew. And Ace listened without interrupting him even once, knowing that if he did not he would probably lose the support of the only person that actually cared about the matter and tried to help him.


	12. Past

A few years back in the past on board of the Moby Dick:

The evening was nice, the air was filled with the salty smell of the sea and the cool breeze that was blowing was pleasantly refreshing.

But Marco was unable to bring himself to care about that. There was a lump forming in his throat that made it painful for him to breath. He found it hard to keep his hands from shaking as his father handed him the plain white sheet of paper. There were only two short lines of writing on it, but he read them so many times the words became distorted and unreal to him.

This was not real.

"Are you okay, son?" The booming voice of his father awoke him from his trance. He sounded worried and Marco did not fail to notice that, but in the end he chose to ignore it.

"Yeah." The blond replied absentmindedly. "Thanks. I'm leaving then, yoi." He said shortly before turning around to go to his room, nearly unable to hide the shaking from his voice.

And Whitebeard let him leave without saying another word, because he knew that this was something that needed time after all.

...

After that Marco had been drinking alone in his room the whole evening long, but the more he drank the worse he felt. It didn't get better and he didn't feel drunk, either. Only more aware of what had happened. In the end the alcohol left nothing but a foul taste in his mouth.

So after a while he had gotten up, collecting as many of the still filled bottles from the floor as he could carry and left his room. At first he did not know where to go, but then he quickly decided to go to Thatch's room. He did no longer want to be alone. Right now what he really needed was someone to talk to.

He had burst into his friends room without knocking and while he was carefully placing the bottles he had been carrying down on Thatch's table he had only briefly looked up to the startled man before saying: "Drink with me, yoi." Marco's face was an unreadable mask.

He had taken a seat on one of the chairs and Thatch had sat down next to him. Something in Marco's voice had kept him from questioning what was going on. So instead he accepted silently, carefully observing his friend next to him.

"Here, yoi." Marco had said with a shaking voice, handing Thatch the sheet of paper he himself had obtained from Whitebeard a few hours ago.

Thatch read through it quickly, only slightly quirking an eyebrow at its content.

He read:

"The person under surveillance, Charlotte, has passed away last Friday. Awaiting new orders."

The signature below those words was unreadable. Thatch turned the paper around as if he was expecting some more information, but there was none. "Who's Charlotte?" He asked after a momentary pause of confusion. He had a bad feeling about this, especially seeing the condition Marco was in right now.

Marco emptied the bottle he had been holding and rolled it around in his hand, seemingly thinking about the question. Then, after a moment, he replied. "My wife, yoi." He said shortly. There was a bitter undertone to his voice and his glance was cast down.

"Huh?" Thatch thought that he must have misheard his friend. There were many things he thought were definitely possible concerning Marco, specifically given that he basically knew nothing about the blonde's past. But this was something he would have never even imagined. "You're married?!" He exclaimed, unable to hide the surprise from his voice.

"I was yoi." Marco corrected him with the faintest of smile on his lips. "Before I met Pops. But she left me. I became a pirate and she stayed behind." His voice seemed to be drifting off then. There were thoughts of the past painfully lingering on his mind.

"I'd never have guessed." The brown haired man finally said and grabbed one of the bottles himself. Opening it, he took a swift sip of its content. "I'm sorry, Marco."

"Nah." The blond said, a weak laugh escaping his lips. "It's my own fault. She should have been my priority, but I guess I had failed her."

"You had Pops watch over her?" Thatch asked, remembering the paper in his hand and simultaneously returning it to Marco.

The blond nodded as he accepted it back. "But in the end it doesn't even say how she died, yoi." His voice was sad. "I guess I just wish I could have seen her one more time." As he thought about it for a moment a weak smile appeared on his lips as certain memories returned to him. "I still remember her as she was when I met her. She had really remarkable, beautiful eyes. They were of the same deep blue color as the ocean."

"Why did she leave you?" Thatch asked anxiously. Afraid that the question might be too much, but all that happened was that Marco's smile faltered as he looked at him and replied.

"I guess in the end we became too different."

Thatch thought about this reply for a moment, but he did not really understand the meaning of the words and somehow he did not dare ask, either.

After that they simply continued drinking for a while and Marco went on telling his friend about the woman he used to love.

Talking about her like this made it easier for Marco to come to terms with what had happened and Thatch never questioned him, not then and never in the future.

...

Back in the present time:

Ace looked at his friend without knowing what to say about what he had just been told.

After a moment of silence he finally said: "Marco used to be married?" He was completely astonished and tumbling over his words as he spoke them.

He tried to make sense of it. Tried to comprehend what Thatch had said, but this was something that was hard for him to believe. If anything at all it only made him realize that he knew nothing about Marco. Nothing at all. How old was the first division commander? How old had he been when he joined Whitebeard? How long had he been with that woman to have been married? It did not make any sense to him. Somehow he had always imagined that Marco had been at pop's side ever since he was a small child. Like the closest Whitebeard had to a true son. But this... this changed everything.

The look on his face suddenly changed. No, he was wrong. In the end this changed nothing. If anything it only confirmed what he had feared. There was something in the past that Marco was unable to leave behind and Ace would never be able to take that place.

So in the end he only added without awaiting his friend's reply. "It really doesn't change a thing." His tone of voice however was bitter and he was biting his lower lip as if he had just been told something painful.

Thatch raised an eyebrow at Ace's reply, clearly confused about the younger one's reaction to what he had told him. "I just think it's difficult for Marco to accept his own feelings." He tried to explain. "I don't know the details, but it's never easy when the person you love leaves you."

"Yeah." Ace snorted. "Exactly."

He knew that the situation was different, but was that not exactly what Marco had been doing? It might be true that Ace could not completely truthfully say that he was really in love. Of course his feelings were not comparable to the connection Marco must have had with his wife. Of course it was different. He had never even thought about it before that night, he had never even considered it. Marco had just been his brother. His superior. Someone he had looked up to, admired. And you do not fall in love with someone like that after all. But that did not mean that it had stayed that way. He had developed some sort of feelings for Marco after all.

Lately his chest was always tightening at the thought of the first division commander, his heart was constantly racing. And the way he felt so upset about this whole situation. Were that not all signs of how he felt? Was that not proof enough?

"Ace." Thatch's voice was determined and interrupted the younger one's thoughts. "I really think Marco deserves a chance to explain it to you himself. I'm not going to force you, but maybe you could at least try to listen to him?" Thatch knew after all that even for Marco, the decision to talk to Ace in the first place had not been an easy one.

"Why do I have to?" The raven haired man said weakly, slowly averting his face from his friend. He did not want to and yet at the same time, he did. He was unable to decide what the better way to go was. What if all that Marco would tell him would do nothing but prove him right in his fears? Would it not be better to just accept it now? Instead of having hopes of it being differently?

"You don't." Thatch said, scratching the back of his head with his hand. "I'm sorry you have to go through this." He added, smiling apologetically.

"Thatch..." Ace called the name of his friend quietly. An unsettling feeling had started to sprout in his chest.

Thatch raised an eyebrow at the change in tone of Ace's voice. "Yeah?"

"What if..." The younger one started, realizing he was unable to shake the thought now that it had started to penetrate his mind.

"What if I'll only hurt him?" He finally brought out. By now he was clutching the sheets of his bed tightly with his hands, scared of how Thatch would react to this confession.

What if his feelings were not enough? What if he really was not what Marco needed?

Thatch's expression changed to a mild smile. So what he had told Ace had not left him completely unaffected.

"Don't worry, Ace." He patted the other one's head slowly and reassuringly with his hand, slightly ruffling through his black hair. "You won't, as long as you don't lie to him."

Maybe his fear was without any reason. But Thatch's words seemed to lift a weight off of his shoulders. He gave his friend a weak smile.

"Thank you, Thatch." Ace said, his voice a lot calmer now.

In the end it all came down to talking to Marco. He would be unable to avoid it. Be it to understand the way the blond had been acting or be it to understand his own feelings. If he refused to talk to Marco all this thinking would be futile. He would be unable to gain any sort of result like this.

So that was when he made the decision. "I'll talk to him." He suddenly said firmly.

Thatch's eyes brightened. "That's great. I'm sure it will work out fine in the end."

"Yeah, just –" Ace felt a sudden tiredness surge through his body. "I'm really tired now..." he managed to say shortly before his eyelids dropped down and he instantly fell asleep.

Thatch's face was still adorned by a glad smile. Originally he had not planned to talk to Ace about this right after he woke up, but the situation had basically asked for it. And seeing how well it had went he was glad that they had already talked about this. Now all he could do was hope that it would go well and neither Marco nor Ace screwed this up again.

As Thatch left the room, the nurse that had been waiting outside came up to him quickly.

"I think his narcolepsy has kicked in. The situation must have been exhausting for him, but he's asleep now. I was able to talk to him just fine for a bit." He explained as she nodded before entering the room Thatch had just left.

"So Ace is alright, yoi?" Marco had gotten up himself and was approaching Thatch now. He was still looking distressed.

"Yeah, don't worry." Thatch beamed at his friend.

"Can I..." Marco said, clutching his hand into a fist in an attempt to calm himself down. "talk to him?"

Thatch's smile never faltered. "Yes. He wants to talk to you. But I'd give him a little time to rest and recover first."

Marco's expression quickly softened as he let out a sigh of relief. "Of course, yoi." He agreed.

...

A few days later Marco found himself in front of the infirmary once more. Thatch had made sure that Ace knew that Marco was coming, so now it was all up to Marco and on how he would handle the situation to not cause any more problems between himself and Ace.

Because after all he was here to solve them and not to make things worse.

At least he had been able to get back to his old self in the past days. While he had still been worried and constantly thinking about what to say to Ace once he got the chance, he had also been able to get back to doing the work on the ship he had been neglecting before.

So by now he felt prepared enough to finally talk to Ace. And he would take this chance and do the right thing this time.

He wore a content smile on his face as he opened the door to Ace's room.


	13. Tears

Marco stayed in the doorway for a moment, unsure of whether he should go inside or wait for Ace to say something first. The raven haired man was awake and sitting upright in his bed, eying the first division commander who had just entered his room cautiously.

"Come in." Ace finally said after a short while, thus taking the decision of what to do from Marco. The youth seemed calm, but then again his face was an unreadable mask.

Marco complied gladly, and after carefully closing the door behind him, he went over to the raven haired man and sat down on the chair that had been placed beside the bed.

He was still looking Ace directly in the eye, not daring to avert his glance for even a split second and there was still a smile adorning his face. He knew he could do this. He was so glad to be able to be here and talk to Ace, he would make sure to not waste his chance this time.

"Ace." He finally said calmly. "How are you?"

The corner of Ace's lips jerked upwards as his face grimaced into an unpleasant looking smile. "Are we going to act like nothing happened between us this time, as well?"

Marco did not fail to notice the hurt undertone in the other one's voice.

"No." He replied completely determined. "I won't. That's not what I was trying to do by coming here, Ace." He knew that when he had done that before it had been a mistake and acting like nothing had happened would help neither of them.

And at that moment his hand moved forward as if he was trying to grab Ace's – as if he wanted to hold the younger one's hand in his – but as soon as his fingertips as much as slightly brushed against Ace's warm skin, his hand jerked back again, as if his own actions had suddenly startled him.

The unexpected touch sent a shudder through Ace and he almost pouted as he realized Marco had taken his hand back again. He did not understand the older one. Why did Marco have to act like it was wrong to show some affection, or even just that he cared about him? Why did he always have to act like it was so hard to stop himself from doing these things, when in reality he did not have to stop himself at all?

"You're not forbidden to touch me, you know." He could not help himself but say sulkily. He wanted Marco to make up his damn mind. He did not need him here if all he would do was act stupidly like this. If anything, he wanted answers, clarification.

Upon hearing those words Marco's hand shot forward once again in an instant. He grabbed Ace's hand and squeezed it slightly. His head dropped until his forehead rested on his own hand that now held Ace's tightly in its grasp.

"I was so worried about you." The words escaped his mouth shakily and quietly and quicker than he had wanted them to. "When I came back that day and Thatch told me what had happened, I..." His voice was rising as he tried to convey how he had felt, the memories of that dreadful moment returning to him. "I just... I thought you would die."

And then, as he lifted his head again to look at Ace once more, he added: "I was scared I'd lose you. And it would have been my fault. I'm sorry for what I've done." He finally confessed his own feelings and thoughts about what had happened. And he could only hope that Ace would understand him and accept his apology.

"I'm also sorry." The younger one replied as his fingers closed around Marco's hand. He would have liked to close his eyes as well and just lie there for a while. Pretend that everything was fine now. Pretend that there were no more problems than this between them – pretend that they were happy. His hand in Marco's almost gave him the feeling that it was true. But of course he knew better. And nothing was okay just because Marco had been truthfully worried about him.

"Marco." The raven haired man breathed the name out as if it had no heavy burden connected to it. He did not want to destroy this moment of peace. He was so grateful for it. But he knew what he had to ask. He knew the things he still needed to know and say.

The blond was still smiling. "Yes?" His lips barely parted as he replied.

"You said you are in love with me." Ace's hand tightened its grip around Marco's. Hoping the other one would not pull it away – and for now he did not.

Marco's smile did not falter. He had promised himself to no longer lie to Ace or himself. He had promised himself to explain the situation properly. He had promised himself to end this the most correct way somehow possible.

But the warmth of Ace's hand, the tightening of the younger one's fingers around his palm and the slight hint of pain in his beautiful dark eyes made it unbearably hard to not try and stay like this for a little longer, so all he replied with was a toneless "Yes.".

Ace's eyes seemed to lighten up ever so slightly as he continued his questioning with just a hint of hope in his voice. "Was that a lie?"

Marco shook his head slightly and slowly from one side to the other. "No." He said quietly. There was nothing but a strange static noise in his head. He knew he had to clear this situation up, he knew he had to tell Ace the truth. But he felt himself unable to think clearly right now.

If anything, he found himself wondering why he was fighting for seconds in which they could continue to stay like this. Why did he want Ace to be unaware of the truth for just a little while longer?

"I am, yoi." He said and after a small pause elaborated: "I am in love with you."

Marco's way of so bluntly speaking it out loud in his deep, but somehow dull sounding voice, with his heavy-lidded, almost incurious looking eyes that were continuously looking at Ace without even as much as blinking for the longest time, Ace could not help himself but believe him. The blond was not acting, or trying to make up excuses. He was being himself.

And that was the scariest part of it. Because Ace knew there was more. He knew this was not all of it. Because if it was, there would not have been a problem in the first place.

"Why?" The youth finally said after a moment of silence, only to swallow audibly afterwards. Somehow he felt like it had gotten hard for him to breathe and even harder to speak.

Marco let out a small laugh. "I don't know." He said truthfully. "It's nothing I decided to do." Then suddenly, his expressions tensed. "It just happened, but..." he was reluctant to continue, but he knew he had to. He had to break this false moment of hope for both of them. "I wish it hadn't."

And in that moment every last piece of hope Ace might have tried to preserve in his mind was shattered into a thousand pieces by those words. His heart felt heavier than ever in his chest and all he could hear for a moment was its loud thudding against his own ribcage.

"Why are you saying that?" He tried. Hoping that there was a logical reason for Marco to say what he had said. Something that did not mean he thought of it all as a mistake and of Ace as nothing but a burden.

And in that moment Marco's grip around the younger one's hand loosened as he retracted his own. It was over. There was no use in acting like it was not. This, whatever he hoped it was, or could be, between him and Ace, was not real. It was impossible. But he had to tell him his reasons or the younger one would never understand and never be able to accept it.

Ace sucked in a sharp breath as his hand lost the touch of the older ones. "Marco?" He knew how pathetic he sounded right now. He was aware of the pleading in his voice. But he was unable to stop it from getting through.

"It was the truth." Marco said. "But telling you was a mistake." His voice was hard and unfaltering. "Whatever you thought –" He broke off, thinking to himself if he was really going to do this to Ace. He did not want to hurt the younger one, but he knew that there was no other way. So he continued.

"Whatever you thought could be between us... I'm sorry, Ace."

The raven haired winced at the mentioning of his name.

"But it's impossible." The blond said without as much as blinking. There was no pity in his voice. No pleading. No pain. Only hard and unfaltering truth.

"I would only further hurt you and I don't want that to happen." Marco said. And in his thoughts he added that Ace was too precious to him to do that. He had to protect the younger one from himself and what he was. He had to protect him from what was inevitably going to happen if they became too close. He did not want anyone to suffer anymore because of him.

Ace had not averted his eyes from the older one. He had listened to his words without even flinching. "But you are hurting me now." He suddenly pointed out coldly.

"Yeah." Marco acknowledged. "I'm sorry this is necessary. It's my fault for being so weak in the first place and it's okay if you blame me for it."

Ace only shifted slightly as in the next moment he leaned forward. "Is it because of her? Because of Charlotte?" His voice was low and quiet, his mouth had warped into a cruel smile. "Thatch told me everything." He said as anger and pain mixed inside of him and fueled his words. "I'm not stupid. I know you still love her. I know you regret not staying at her side when she died." He continued. For what Marco had done, he wanted to hurt him. Hurt him so much he would never dare show his face before him ever again.

"I know you hate yourself for falling in love again." He remembered his dreams, he remembered everything he's had enough time to think about in the past few days. This were only assumptions, he knew nothing of this had to be true. But he wanted to hurt him. Hurt Marco just has much as he had been hurt by the older one. He wanted him to go through this as well. He wanted him to have a taste of his own medicine for once.

"I know you wish I wasn't here." He finally concluded. But then, even before Marco was able to reply to that, he suddenly added: "Wouldn't you be happier if she was here instead of me?" And his own remark made him laugh. But all that escaped his lips was nothing but a cruel, pained laughter, while all the while he never averted his eyes from the older one.

Marco's expression changed with every word the younger one said. He would have never thought that this was how Ace thought of it all. He knew what Thatch had told him, but even Thatch did not know a lot about his past after all.

It was only that last question the younger one uttered that made something click inside his head and he suddenly jumped up and grabbed Ace by his collar.

"Don't." He hissed angrily. "Don't you dare talk like that. You know nothing about it!"

And Ace could not help himself but laugh again. Because during their whole conversation this was the first time Marco was actually showing his emotions so freely. Because for her he could do that, whereas for him he could not. And he could not help himself but wonder why he was losing to someone who was not even alive anymore?

It was unfair. Painful. He bit his lower lip in an attempt to force back the emotions that were seething inside of him. But it was futile. Soon enough tears appeared in the corners of his eyes and he averted his glance from the older one.

It were those tears that shattered the sudden anger Marco had been feeling. He let go of the younger one and muttered a quiet apology. He had not wanted to snap like that.

He tried to understand how Ace must be feeling right now and it was true that everything seemed to point into that direction. Everything he had been doing and telling him. Everything Ace had found out about his past.

But the truth was that the younger one was wrong with his assumptions.

"If she – if Charlotte was here right now, she would tell you to stay away from me, yoi." He said dryly and with a weak smile on his lips as he sat down beside the bed again. "If you don't want to get hurt anymore." He added quietly.

And Ace had to force himself to not say that he would not mind that. How more painful than this could it be?

Was nothing going to change this situation? Did he really have to accept it like it was now?

He did not want to. So the next thing he did was lean forward again, supporting himself with his right hand that he had pinned down onto the bed right beside the blond. His other hand quickly found its way to and around Marco's neck.

And before the older one could even react – it was all going too fast and he was too surprised by the Ace's actions – the younger one's head shot forwards and their lips crushed together for a moment.

Marco did not return the kiss and his eyes only widened in shock as he felt Ace's lips moving on his. They were trembling slightly.

It only lasted for a second before the younger one's head suddenly slumped down and finally came to a rest on Marco's shoulder.

"Figures you wouldn't even let me repay that kiss of yours." Ace said dryly and weakly as his mind raced, trying to think of something to do or to say. Anything that would prevent this from being over. Something that would make Marco change his mind.

Then suddenly Marco's hand reached for the other one's head and his slender fingers carefully entangled themselves in his ebony colored hair as he pulled him closer. "I'm so sorry." He whispered and his lips were too close to Ace's ear as Marco had lowered his head as well.

There he was – the one person Ace truly wanted, the one person that had said he loved him, holding him in his arms. Whispering words in his ear. Comfortingly caressing the back of his head with his fingers.

And all he could feel was pain.

Because it was over.

And he started crying like he never had before in the presence of someone else. And he did not even feel ashamed when the tears started to soak Marco's shirt.

Because he hated him. And he loved him. And he did not want this to be real.


	14. Ignorance

Just about a week later, things had finally started to look like they were returning back to normal.

Ace had been allowed to leave the infirmary under the strict condition that he did not overexert himself. He had planned nothing of the sort anyway. Even training was out of the question for him at the moment. He felt no motivation for any of that anyway.

On the outside he might be giving of the impression that everything was fine at the moment, but on the inside he was constantly thinking about how he could manage to change Marco's mind. He knew the older one wanted him. Why he continued to hold himself back then was beyond Ace. He still found himself unable to understand it and that although Marco had said he would be honest to him and explain it properly.

But he had not explained even half of it properly yet. All he had said was that he did not want to hurt Ace anymore. It was ridiculous. He would never be able to understand it like this. When the both of them felt the same, why would it be wrong for them to indulge in these feelings?

But he had given in anyway. He knew there was no point in acting like a sulking child who was unable to accept the situation as it was. So during the past week he had acted like everything was fine now, even in front of Marco. At least they had been able to interact normally again thanks to that, although their communication had been limited to the absolute necessary.

While he had made sure that Marco believed everything was fine now, he had been thinking about a certain plan he had come up with in his mind. This time the advantage would be on his side. He would make sure that Marco would find himself unable to resist him. He would definitely make sure that the blond would regret the decision he had made concerning their relationship and finally see the truth that he was so desperately trying to deny.

At the moment he was sitting on deck of the Moby Dick, his arms pinned down behind his upper body, supporting him as he was looking up to the sky, seemingly enjoying the cool breeze and the sun's warmth on his skin.

He was however aware of the fact that he was being watched. Marco had taken his usual place at their pop's side and his eyes never left Ace.

Moments later Ace jumped up energetically. He turned around and faced Marco with a smirk on his face.

The blond jumped a little at this himself, feeling as if he had been caught doing something forbidden. And he could not completely deny it, because after all he should not be doing this: watching Ace all the time. But what sort of choice did he have when the younger one was apparently sunbathing right in front of him? And half-naked, too, because the raven haired man never bothered to wear a shirt. Not that anything was wrong with that. Marco was enjoying the sight after all. At least looking was not forbidden yet.

But Marco was still startled when Ace caught him right in the act of him checking the raven haired man out like that.

Ace took his time to walk over to him. And he only stopped when he was standing right in front of Marco.

"Hey." The younger one said with a smile.

"Anything you need, yoi?" Marco asked just as friendly in return, even though he was cautious. When it came to Ace it was always hard to guess what might happen or what the younger one might be up to. They might have been doing fine for a week, but Marco was almost absolutely sure that Ace had not been satisfied with the explanation he had given him. And he knew that was his fault, because even though Marco had urged himself to tell Ace the real reasons behind his actions, he had not been able to do so in the end.

"Yeah." Ace replied slowly. "I need to talk to you." He added. His glance seemed to pierce right through Marco.

"Are you free this evening? I could come to your room." The younger one suggested carefully. And for a moment his eyes shifted to glance at their pops for a second.

Whitebeard had been observing the short conversation of his two sons without interrupting them, but he would be lying to say that he was not curious as to what was going on. But he thought it inappropriate to interrupt them in their talk.

Marco scratched the back of his head nervously as he thought about the question for what in his opinion was a little too long to not look suspicious. He wanted to refuse, but that would have seemed too weird a thing of him to do. He did not want their pops to think that anything strange was going on. And somehow he thought that that was the reason why Ace had chosen this exact moment to ask him. He knew that Marco would be unable to lie now. Or act like he was not in his room later. Or in general just anything like that really. Because Marco might have done that to avoid talking to the younger one in private, but lying in front of Whitebeard was completely out of the question and acting like he had no time for Ace was, too.

And that when he had hoped that little problem between them had finally resolved itself, but apparently it had not. He did not want to deal with this anymore. Why did Ace have to make it so hard for the both of them?

In the end he knew that there was no way he could refuse the request, so very reluctantly he agreed upon the meeting with a short and quiet "Okay.".

It made Ace beam a smile at him before he turned around and left, but not before making sure to tell him that he would be happy to see him later then.

Marco only sighed in relief when the raven haired man was finally gone. He received the loud and booming signature laugh from his pops for that.

"That boy really is a curious one." Was all that Whitebeard remarked upon the conversation he had just had the luck to overhear, but the only reaction Marco gave him was a slight shrug of his shoulders.

...

Evening came too soon and Marco found himself in his room earlier than he had planned. He was nervously walking up and down, trying to calm himself down, but the attempts seemed to be futile. He thought about what to tell Ace if he happened to ask about that certain matter again, but he came to no conclusion. He had already told him what he was thinking and feeling and he had already told him that it was definitely impossible. What else was there to tell him?

The truth, a tiny voice in the back of his head suggested, but he ignored it skilfully. He did no longer want to do that. After all it was better if that – if the truth – stayed a secret. No one needed to know.

An energetic knock on his door abruptly interrupted his trail of thoughts. His feet stopped and he looked up to stare at the wooden door for a moment, as if he could see through it if he only looked at it for long enough. Ace was awfully early.

He wondered if he was ready to talk to him yet. He believed not. But truthfully, he probably never was.

So, completely reluctantly he went over to the door and opened it.

And sure enough, there was Ace standing in front of it, a wide grin on his face as he entered Marco's room.

He closed the door behind his visitor as he followed him back into the room. He knew he had to solve this situation somehow diplomatically. Without causing any more drama between them. But if Ace wanted to talk about that he would need to ask about it himself. Marco would definitely not start a conversation about the topic.

"Sit down if you like, yoi." He said somewhat politely, pointing at one of the chairs that was placed around a table in one corner of his room.

Ace complied gladly and he was still smiling as he sat down.

Marco on the other hand was feeling uneasy. Probably because Ace had not said a single word yet. Or maybe just because of the current situation in general.

So instead of sitting down himself he went over to his cupboard and opened it. Various bottles of diverse liquids greeted him. He remembered the day he got drunk after his first conversation with Ace in here after the incident. He had been stupid back then. Stupid and weak. But this time he would not make such mistakes. He would not let the conversation escalate like that again.

So he shook off the thought and turned around. With a smile he asked the younger one: "Would you like to drink something? I got wine, beer. Anything really."

Ace only smiled back at him as he replied, speaking for the first time since he had arrived at Marco's room. "They said I'm not allowed to yet."

"Oh." Marco brought out, suddenly thinking that he should have known. He should have been more attentive than that. "I see. Sorry, yoi."

"No need to apologize. I'll take water if you got any." Ace said.

Marco only nodded as he turned around again, bringing out two glasses. He filled one with water and he opened a bottle of red wine for himself, hoping that he did not appear impolite for drinking alcohol while Ace was not allowed to do the same.

He took both of the glasses and went over to the table at which Ace was seated. He placed them down carefully and took a seat himself, opposite of Ace.

For a while they were just sitting there, no one doing anything, or even daring to speak.

In the end it was Ace who broke the silence. "How are you doing, Marco? Haven't really had the chance to talk much lately." He said calmly.

The older one frowned at the question. He would like to know what Ace was up to, or why he was here in the first place. Surely not to have some pointless small talk? "Fine, I guess. There's a lot of work to do at the moment, yoi." He took a sip from his glass before he continued. "Pops has me looking through the documents Thatch brought with him from your mission."

Ace shot him a glance that was hard to interpret, but Marco's statement had surely piqued Ace's interest. "No one's told me about it yet." He said almost sulkily. "Would be nice to know if the mission was worth risking my life for."

"Nothing's worth risking your life for, yoi." Marco answered abruptly. He remembered Ace saying something along the line before, like his life was completely unimportant.

"I'd risk it to protect someone who's important to me." Ace replied matter-of-factly.

The remark made Marco flinch a little. He could not tell if Ace meant it as an accusation or if he just said it because he really felt that way. Or if it was both. "I guess." He said evasively.

"Anyway." The blond cleared his throat. "They were plans for sea stone infused weapons. Pretty nifty stuff to be honest. And dangerous, as you've already experienced first-hand."

"So they use that base to test them?" Ace asked.

Marco could not help but wonder why Ace was showing such an interested in the matter. He had never seen the younger one take an interest in these things before. But maybe it was because he had been on the mission and really just wanted to know what he had been sent there for.

"Not sure. They might be creating prototypes there. Having a seemingly unimportant base as a disguise for something like that could be possible, yoi." He answered with his own assumptions of the matter, thinking that it would not hurt Ace to know.

A short "I see." was all the younger one replied. He seemed to be in thoughts about the matter for a moment, but then he looked up and smiled at Marco.

The next moment Ace took the glass from the table in front of him and emptied it in one gulp. "Can I have another one?" He asked cheekily as he placed it back down onto the table.

Marco only shrugged his shoulders as he got up. "Sure, yoi." He said as he took the glass and went over to his cupboard once more.

"Was that why you wanted to talk to me, yoi?" He asked without looking back to where Ace was sitting. He was relieved. If that was everything Ace had wanted to discuss then maybe things could really get back to normal now.

If only he had known how wrong he was with his assumption.

Marco had just grabbed the bottle and was about to open it when he suddenly felt two hands tugging at the back of his jacket and the next moment a warm body pressing against him from behind.

The smile he had been upholding faltered almost instantly and he lowered the bottle and placed it back onto the shelf he had taken it from just a moment ago.

"Ace." He said quietly. He had not even heard the younger one get up or walk over to him. And here he was thinking that everything was fine, when of course it was not. The burning feelings of regret returned to him almost instantly.

"No." The younger one simply said. His voice was muffled by Marco's jacket as Ace had buried his face into the older one's back.

"Let go, Ace." Marco's voice was more forceful this time. He did not want to push Ace away, but he had to stay hard or the younger one would never understand.

"No!" Ace said again, albeit louder this time.

Marco sighed, but then he slowly turned around. Ace let go of his jacket at last, although very reluctantly and before the younger one was able to catch the front of Marco's jacket again with his hands, the blond caught them in his own, holding him still.

"What are you doing?" Marco asked softly, unsure as to what he himself should do now.

"I want to be close to you." The younger one replied truthfully. His voice was a mere whisper and sounded completely weak and defeated.

It made Marco's heart beat faster and he had a hard time suppressing the fear that was building up inside of him. He was going to hurt Ace again. Why could the younger one not just let it go? Why did everything always have to be way more complicated than necessary?

"You know I can't, yoi." He finally said, his voice hard again.

"No, I don't!" Ace almost screamed, he tried to bring a little space between them, but Marco was still holding him by his wrists. "You said you'd explain it, but you didn't!" He added as anger started to rise in him.

He freed his wrists with a violent twist of his arms and then suddenly he leaned forward again, placing his hands against the cupboard behind Marco at each side of the older one's body.

"I know you want this." He said, his voice suddenly low and seductive.

"Ace, please – " Marco tried, but he was immediately interrupted.

"I know you want me." The younger one elaborated as he lifted one of his hands to cup Marco's face with his palm. His dark eyes were piercing and there lay a slight smirk on his lips.

Marco swallowed hard as he suddenly found himself unable to avert his eyes from the man before him anymore. He knew damn well that Ace was right. And it scared him. He did definitely not want to be in this situation right now. But somehow, at least a small part of him was starting to get excited and hoping that this moment would last for a little while. That part of him wanted to selfishly enjoy the closeness between them, although he knew that was wrong.

"Stop it, Ace." He started another lame attempt to prevent Ace from doing whatever he was about to do, but he did not even try to push the younger one away anymore.

Ace's face came dangerously close to Marco's and when the younger one's lips were almost touching Marco's ear – breath tickling the blond's neck and sending tingles up and down his spine – he whispered:

"I know what you've done." Ace gave the other one a moment to let the words sink in. A dreadful moment in which Marco was completely unsure as to what Ace could be referring to.

"Thatch told me. The night of our mission you came back to the ship very late." He dragged the words out playfully, teasing Marco as he revealed how much he actually knew about that night. His fingers were gently caressing Marco's cheek and it send shivers down the older one's spine, who by now found himself completely unable to resist verbally any longer. His mouth had gone dry and he was fearfully anticipating what Ace was about to say next.

"You were on that island, right? You met up with a woman, didn't you?" Ace looked at him with eyes that were filled with torment. It made Marco's heart throb painfully.

And it took the blond a moment to reply with a stuttering "Y-yeah.".

"Did you know her before that night?" The younger one continued his questions and upon this one he found himself unable to hide a slight jealous touch to his voice.

"I didn't." Marco answered shortly, somehow hoping to simply satisfy Ace's curiosity with that. To make him stop.

But Ace did not want to stop. He had his mind set on hurting Marco. And himself. He hated this, but what he hated even more was this dreadful lack of knowing what was going on in Marco's mind. And he had to find out, no matter what.

"Did you fuck her?" Ace's next question came quick and angry.

It caught Marco completely unprepared. "Ace!" He exclaimed as he finally tried to push the other one away from himself, but Ace's other hand had found its way between them and was pushing Marco back against the cupboard.

"Just answer the damn question." The younger one said sharply. He knew that he had no right to be jealous or condemn Marco for it if something like that had actually happened, but that was not the point here. He was trying to achieve something very differently after all.

"I don't see the point in this. How's it going to change anything if you know, yoi?" Marco had finally regained his ability to protest as it seemed.

"Well did you, or did you not?" Ace repeated his question, completely ignoring what the older one had said.

By now somewhat annoyed Marco finally gave in and said. "I did."

A shallow laugh escaped from Ace's lips. It was unpleasantly loud in Marco's ear due to the short distance between them.

"Good." The younger one said as he brought more space between them once more. "Fucking great." He added, biting his lower lip in an attempt to think about Marco's reply for a second.

"So I'm correct when I'm thinking that while you said that you were in love with me. And while you kissed me and then left me standing on the ship. And while you told me that it was impossible that there could ever be something between us, you went ahead – on the day you refused to go on that mission with me no less – and went to fuck some random woman you'd just met?" He was not really expecting an answer, he was simply stating painful, cruel facts by now.

And a quiet "I'm sorry." was all Marco was able to say.

"Heard that one before." Ace spat out coldly. He could not believe this. He could not believe the man standing in front of him. Of all the things he would have expected of Marco, this was definitely none of them.


	15. Seduction

Marco and Ace were still standing painfully close together in the older one's room, right in front of his cupboard. Their current conversation still hung heavily in the air, but even for all that had been said so far, Ace was surely not done yet. He was still angry and he knew he would have to go through with this till the very end. He would make Marco realize that what he had been doing was nothing but a mistake. And he would definitelly make him regret it.

"Did you tell that woman you didn't want to hurt her, as well?" Ace asked the other one, unable to hide the anger from his voice.

"What?" Marco exclaimed in surprise. "No! Don't be stupid, yoi. That was something completely different."

"Was it? Why? Because she was just a distraction for you? Because she was just some stranger?"

Marco did not reply, he did not know what to say. What to do to calm Ace down. Because the younger one was right, he had been trying to distract himself from him after all. Of course it had only made matters worse, but that did not matter at the moment.

"So if you have no connection to the person it's okay then, is it?" Ace said, the cruel smile had reappeared on his lips.

"Alright. I can do that." The black haired man said more to himself really, as Marco still refused to say anything about it.

The next moment he leaned forward and gave Marco a quick and fleeting kiss on his lips.

The older one's eyes widened in surprise. He wanted to say something, but he never got the chance to.

"Let's have some fun, Marco." Ace said, before he leaned in once more, his lips carefully touching those of the older one. Only this time he lingered there for a moment longer. And to his surprise...

Marco actually responded the kiss with one of his own. The look in the older one's eyes was painful. He was trying to hold himself back, but it was too hard. He could not do it. Ace was too close to him and the things he said and did – he wanted this too much. He hated himself for it and his weakness, but he had always wanted this and even his ability to restrain himself had its limits.

Ace retracted his head a little, but their lips were still almost touching. "Don't think about it, Marco. I won't hold you responsible for this." He whispered shortly before he kissed the other one once more.

"We both want this after all." His hand had moved to Marco's neck and he was holding him tightly in place. "If you can do it with some stranger, you can do it with me, too, right?" He murmured.

Marco's mind was racing. This was not okay and he knew that. But Ace was right when he said that he wanted this. He had been holding himself back all this time, for Ace's sake. But it was the younger one who was always coming back to him like this. It was Ace who was unable to accept the situation and instead only made it all more complicated.

"No consequences. No strings attached." Ace continued his attempts to persuade the older one.

And at that moment Marco's resistance was broken. He said nothing, but Ace knew by what he was doing.

The older one lifted his hand and gently caressed Ace's heated cheek for a moment, shortly before he moved his hand and let it slide through the younger one's black hair. He pulled him closer then and closing his eyes, shutting out all the doubts that were dwelling in his mind, he kissed the man before him.

His lips were carefully tugging and sucking on those of Ace. It was a blissful feeling, and he caught a low sigh that Ace had carelessly allowed to escape his lips.

Marco's hands found their way to Ace's back. At first running his fingers over the heated skin of the younger one and then embracing him carefully, pressing their bodies as closely together as possible while they were still kissing.

He knew that everything about this situation was wrong; it went against everything he had wanted to achieve concerning Ace. This was not something that would allow them to forget about what had happened – this was the complete opposite. But still. He wanted this so painfully much. This closeness to the man before him: being able to touch him, being able to kiss and hold him. If just for this once he wanted to allow himself to indulge in this situation, he wanted to give up his resistance. Because it was Ace who had said it was okay like this. It was him who had initiated this.

There was nothing wrong about it.

There was nothing wrong.

He broke their kiss for a moment. "We shouldn't be doing this." He said in a last, weak attempt to resist, but his voice was low and full of need and he did not sound determined at all.

By then Ace knew it would be easy to persuade the older one. He had already broken his resistance. By now, Marco was completely in his hands and this small attempt to stop what was happening would definitely not succeed.

"We shouldn't be doing a lot of things. But this is none of them." He replied with a grin. "Would you rather go to town and do it with some stranger again?" Ace's hands found their way to Marco's hip as he firmly pulled him closer. "I want this as much as you do. So there's no problem."

But there was, wasn't there? What was Ace thinking doing something like this? What did he try to achieve? Maybe this was just another one of his attempts to change Marco's mind. For all the older one knew about Ace that could surely and simply be it. But even then, did he really want to resist, or did he want to exploit the situation?

Because, after all, he knew that nothing about doing this was okay.

Ace's fingers were slowly drawing circles on the skin of Marco's chest as he had brought just a tiny bit of space between them once more. There was still a playful smile on his lips as he leaned forward and first kissed the older one on his chin and then on his neck.

This was definitely not okay and Marco knew it and he had to stop Ace from doing this.

The raven haired man was playfully tugging on Marco's delicate skin with his teeth, just before his tongue shot out and he licked over the older one's neck, all the way up to his ear.

And Marco did not stop him. Quite the contrary instead, he unintentionally let out a low groan at the sensation Ace was causing and momentarily closed his eyes.

Ace's hands had moved from the older one's hips to the front of his body and he started to fumble around with the golden belt and sash Marco wore. Meanwhile his lips were carefully tugging at the older one's earlobe, eliciting another throaty groan from him.

In any other situation Marco would have never allowed this. But he was trying to shut out the thoughts that kept telling him that this was wrong and instead he hoped that by letting Ace do as he pleased this situation would continue as it did. Because he wanted this to continue. He wanted this. He wanted the man before him. And he did no longer want to listen to the doubts in his mind at all. But he feared that if he dared to initiate anything on his own the situation would end immediately, because it would make Ace realize just how wrong this really was.

By now Ace had stopped what he had been doing with his mouth and instead his glance was cast down, looking rather distressed as he was still fumbling around with Marco's belt and the light blue sash the older one was wearing. How the hell was this fastened? He found himself unable to even find the point that connected the belt with anything and the folds of blue fabric were not helping at all.

He let out an irritated growl as he changed his tactic to simply pulling at the belt and he only stopped his attempts when he heard a low chuckle coming from the man he had just tried to undress so frantically.

Marco really had not wanted to. But he had been unable to stop himself, the sight had been to amusing. Just as Ace looked up to him, still visibly irritated, his cheeks burning red from embarrassment, Marco finally brought his hands up and carefully lay them on each of the younger one's shoulders, pushing him slightly away from himself.

And as the look on Marco's face hardened again, Ace cast his glance down once more. He already knew what was to come. He had completely fucked it up. He had lost control of the situation and Marco was definitely going to end it here and now.

"Why are we doing this?" The older one asked quietly and toneless.

"Why aren't we doing this?" Ace replied as snappy as somehow possible. Embarrassment and anger were still burning brightly within him.

"Oh." Marco started with a smirk he felt himself unable to suppress, powered by what they had still been doing a moment ago. "Truthfully, there are a lot of things I'd like to do to you, yoi." He said sincerely, momentarily submerging himself in the brief thoughts he had just had a little earlier. He knew how much he had wanted to simply force the younger one to go back, or maybe just lift him up and carry him over to his bed. He knew how much he had wanted to continue kissing him passionately, how much he had wanted to pin him down on his bed, undress him. Touch and kiss every part of the younger one's body until he was writhing beneath him and begging him to do more than just that.

It would have been so easy. Taking advantage of the situation. Taking advantage of Ace's willingness to do all of this. But he knew – and the doubts and fears had just painfully returned to him – that it would definitely, most certainly have been a fatal mistake.

The look in his eyes changed as he looked the younger one straight in the eye. "Ace." He said firmly, his fingers tightening their grasp on Ace's shoulders. "Please don't do this anymore, yoi."

"I really don't get you." The younger one replied angrily and slapped one of Marco's hands away in a forceful and fluid motion. "How has anyone ever been able to bear the way you are acting?" He asked sarcastically.

Marco swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing visibly up and down in his throat. His glance never left Ace and the look in his eyes was still hard and unfaltering, but he did not reply.

"Why are you telling me to stop when you clearly want this?" Ace questioned with still a hint of anger in his voice. And in that moment his hand shot forward and he carefully touched Marco's crotch, slowly running his fingers over the erection of the older one that he could clearly feel beneath the fabric of Marco's clothes.

Marco's eyes closed for a moment. The sudden touch sent jolts of excitement through his body and he had to force himself to not gasp or groan again.

He wanted this. He wanted to allow himself to do this. But he knew that he should not do it. Beneath all the layers of trying to ignore his guilty conscience, his attempts to be willing to let this happen, he definitely, inevitably knew that this was wrong.

There had never been any doubts that this was wrong. Maybe Ace was unaware of what he was actually doing, but Marco knew. And it was because he knew that he had to end this here and now. And make it clear once and for all. He could never allow himself to act on his feelings or on his desires every again. He was a fool for actually believing that it could have been okay for just this once.

So instead of letting it happen as he might have wanted to, he opened his eyes and firmly grabbed Ace's hand with his own, stopping the younger one in his motion.

"Stop it, Ace." He said and for the first time there was actual anger resonating within his voice. "Please try to respect what I'm saying. I told you not to do this." His eyes were cold and glaring.

"But –" The younger one tried to start arguing, but Marco interrupted him nonchalantly.

"Don't 'but' me. I've made my position clear, I assume. I've tried to be nice to you. I apologized for the mistake I made. But I've reached my limit now. I can't deal with this anymore, Ace." His own heart ached with every word that escaped his lips.

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore and I'm still sorry for all of this." He said, his voice gradually softening now. "Just, please." There was a recognizable pleading now. "Stop doing this to us, yoi."

Ace forcefully freed his arm from Marco's grasp and scowled at him. "Ugh, alright." He brought out angrily. "I get it." And he did, but he was still angry. He knew he had gone too far, but he had hoped to make Marco understand. He had hoped to change the older one's mind. But of course he had not been successful. Marco was an idiot. And he hated this so much, he would have liked to punch him, if he had not known that acting on that urge would only make matters worse right now. At least he still had his trump card. He would definitely not give up this easily.

"You are an ass, you know that?" He said, looking Marco directly in the eye.

The older one only gave a small, sarcastic laugh at that. "I guess I am, yoi."

"I'm really starting to hate you." Ace murmured as he slowly turned away.

The younger one's statement gave Marco's heart another painful sting, but he knew it was inevitable, seeing how things had developed between them.

"I just don't understand." The raven haired man raised his arms in a weak gesture to underline his words. "I really just don't fucking understand you." He sighed deeply. "And you won't explain it to me, no matter what I do."

He turned around again and locked glances with Marco once more.

"It really pisses me off. Just tell me what the fucking problem is, Marco." He spat out angrily.

"I can't." The older one simply refused.

"Okay, fine. Continue being like that." Ace gave up. He had enough. He would never get through that thick-headed bird brain of Marco, no matter what. "So you want me to stop addressing this, even though you won't even properly clear up the situation?" He asked.

"We would both benefit from it if we could just..." Marco searched for the correct word to use for a moment. "Forget about it, yes." He finally said, his voice toneless and his eyes carefully observing Ace. Something was definitely off right now.

"Okay. Fine." Ace complied after hesitating only for a moment. "I'll stop bothering you." And he put special emphasis on the word 'bothering', just to make it completely clear to Marco how stupid it was to put it like that.

He hesitated for another moment and then finally continued. "But." He started firmly. "I want you to do me a favor in return." He smirked, already knowing that Marco would definitely not refuse his request after what had happened. "And afterwards I will never mention any of this shit every again." The smirk on his lips increased. "That's the least you can do after everything that has happened, Marco."


	16. Comfort

**Ghost of the Past**

_Chapter 16: Comfort_

"No. There's absolutely no way I'll do that, yoi." Marco said abruptly and completely astonished after hearing what sort of favour Ace was asking of him. His expression darkened. He would have thought Ace would make some sort of childish request, something concerning the two of them. Maybe even something easy he could have complied with, like another kiss or anything of the sort. But this was absolutely impossible. This was one of the things he could definitely not do.

"Ugh." Ace gave out an annoyed groan. "Fine. I get it." He did no longer care. He did not need Marco to do this and he was starting to get tired of the current situation. He had wanted to change the blonds mind, but he had failed at that. Now he had just been trying to spend more time with him, to make him understand something. To make him understand how what they were doing right at the moment – all this arguing - was completely pointless. But if the older one refused his request so blatantly, there was nothing else he could do. He had reached his limit. Although, there was still one thing he could attempt and if he was careful enough… it might even work out as he hoped.

"You know I'll just do it alone then." He said carefully. Trying one last, desperate attempt. He looked up as he said it, his eyes expressing utmost determination. He would not fail; he would not falter this time.

"Pops wouldn't allow it." Marco replied quickly, but doubt had already found its way into his voice. It was clear he was not sure of his words himself.

"He wouldn't stop me either and you know that." Ace gave back coldly.

"I'll do it alone." He repeated, putting more emphasis on his words this time. "I just thought that after what had happened last time you would want to accompany me." He added with a self-satisfactory grin. The bait was set, now all that was left was for Marco to take it. And Ace was completely sure that Marco would do just that.

With a shrug of his shoulders and a last, meaningful glance back to the blond, Ace turned around and went for the door. But just a second before his hand touched the door handle, he could make out movement behind him. He found himself unable to hide a grin from his face as he felt Marco's fingers gripping his shoulder tightly.

"Wait." The voice of the older one seemed decisive.

Ace turned around slowly. Trying to hide the victorious expression on his face as good as possible he said: "What? Changed your mind after all?"

"Yeah." Marco replied. His eyes were glaring coldly at the younger one. "I'm coming with you."

Completely ignoring the look Marco was giving him, Ace beamed a broad smile at the older one. "Great. 'Til tomorrow then."

As he turned around once more and opened the door in front of him, he only glanced back at the blond for a second and with a wink said "Good night, Marco." shortly before closing the door behind him after he had gone through.

Marco was left behind completely alone in his room, which suddenly seemed to be a lot colder than just a moment ago and with a discontent look on his face the "Good night" he mumbled in reply only reached as far as to the closed door in front of him.

And it was only after a while of blankly staring at the wooden door in front of him that he finally turned around and with a shallow sigh dropped down flat on his bed on his stomach, just to turn on his side and curl up a second later.

His eyes were opened wide, but his expression was blank.

If he tried hard enough he could shut out all the negative things that had just happened. If he tried hard enough he could still feel the taste of Ace's lips on his and the warmth of Ace's skin beneath his fingertips and there was still an unusual heat coming from his own body at the places the younger one had touched him.

Yes, if only he was able to shut out all the awful things that had just happened he might have been able to indulge himself in these feelings. But the flame of anger was still burning brightly within him and he was not so much angry at Ace as he was angry at himself.

He lifted his hands and covered up his face with them. Letting out a pained groan all he could think about was why all of this had to happen. And why it would not stop no matter what he did to attempt to stop it.

The next moment he turned around on his back and lay his arms flat at each side of his body, staring blankly at the ceiling above him. Tomorrow he would need to take care of Ace, he could not let him go alone and risk him getting hurt again. But he would also need to talk to pops beforehand. He could not just leave like that without talking to him first after all.

And maybe Whitebeard could even give him some advice about what do to, or possibly talk him out of doing all of this...

...

Ace was feeling overjoyed. His face was of a bright red colour as he made his way back to his own room. As he finally reached and entered it, he lifted his hands and then crossed them behind his head with a content smile on his lips. He had done it. He had won. From this point onwards it was only a matter of time until Marco finally changed his mind and accepted his own feelings as what they were at last.

It had demanded a lot of him and he had nearly given up, too. But that did no longer matter. He had Marco right where he wanted to have him. Like this he would have enough time to convince the blond. He would have enough time to discover what was going on, why Marco was so defensive and indecisive in the first place. He would uncover the truth. He would understand it. And he would convince Marco that none of it had to matter. None of it. The only thing that was important were the feelings of the both of them.

…

The next day came and Marco was already up very early in the morning. He knew that Ace would not wait until evening came to put his plan into practice, but before that he would definitely need to talk to Whitebeard first. He could not just leave like that, not without letting anyone know where he was going or what he was going to do.

The knock he gave the door to Whitebeard's room was hesitant, but only a moment later he heard the voice of his father allowing him to come in.

"Hmm?" The old man was still lying in his bed and looked Marco over carefully. "I thought someone was being too early with my breakfast." He mused. "What are you doing here at this time of the day, son?"

"Hey… pops…" The blonds glance was cast down as he closed the door behind him.

"Open the curtains, will you?" Whitebeard asked him carefully, not averting his eyes from his son, who definitely seemed to be troubled by something.

Marco nodded and did as he was told, allowing a little bit of daylight to enter the room. It was foggy outside.

"Now come here." Whitebeard commanded.

And again, Marco did as he was told, taking a chair and putting it right next to his pop's bed and then sitting down, his glance still cast down.

"What's troubling you, son?" He came right to the point. It was unusual for Marco to come and visit him like this, looking as if he had done something wrong. But whatever it was, Whitebeard would always have an open ear to listen to his son's problems.

The blond let out a weak sigh. "Ace." He replied scarcely. As if that one word – that one name – would explain everything in its entirety.

Whitebeard thought for a moment, still intensely watching his son. "Well that overly energetic boy is always full of trouble." He chuckled for a moment. "But that's not what you mean, right?"

Marco looked up and the concerned look in Whitebeards eyes took him completely by surprise. Did he really have to worry everyone like this? Just because he could not decide on what to do? Just because he hated himself for what he was doing? All of those mistakes he had done?

What was he supposed to do now? What was he supposed to say? What sort of words could possibly explain the entirety of what he was feeling? And would Whitebeard even understand? Would he be supportive or would he scold him, tell him to finally start acting like the man he was supposed to be?

There was no helping it. He had no choice. In the end this had already gone too far, he had to tell him the truth. At one point or another, this had been bound to happen. After all he never kept secrets from his father. He would never dare to do that.

"I love him." He said, the confession a low whisper as it passed his lips, his eyes never left his father.

Whitebeards eyes only widened momentarily, but then a mild smile found its way onto his lips. "I can see that. The way you look at him gives it away." The smile disappeared then. "The way you are in so much pain gives it away as well, son."

"I shouldn't be." Marco continued, feeling as if he was shattering to pieces right that very moment. Because the truth came trickling back to him, all the things that were wrong about this, all the things he knew Whitebeard would probably gladly tell him, but did not, only because he cared about him too much.

"I'm not allowed to do that. He's part of our family and I confused him, I made him feel so bad because of my own inability to do what's right." His voice died then and there was a sob coming from him. He did not want to cry, he did not want to be comforted, he wanted his father to tell him the truth, he wanted him to tell him that what he did was completely wrong, he wanted to be punished for his mistakes.

Then, suddenly, Whitebeard lifted his hand and carefully placed it on his son's shoulder. "You're wrong there. I don't think you confused him, but you are confusing yourself. Why do you think your feelings are wrong, Marco? He might be part of our crew and surely, you are both my sons, but I'm not forbidding you to be more than brothers." He squeezed Marco's shoulder carefully and comfortingly. "I only want you to be happy. That's all."

Marco slumped down on his chair at those words, barely supporting himself from falling over with his arms. Whitebeard did not understand, but then again, how could he?

"What about Charlotte?" He said quietly, almost inaudibly. Even mentioning her name like this made his heart sting painfully.

"Yes." Whitebeard replied, as if he had only remembered that matter now, but it was coming back to him that very moment. "Her." He continued. "Who said you could only ever love one person in this world though? Isn't that a rule you imposed upon yourself? Maybe it is time you let go of her, Marco."

As the other one did not say anything, Whitebeard continued. "Maybe it's time you started forgiving yourself."

"Right." Was the only thing that Marco replied, clenching his hands to fists, painfully digging his fingernails into the palms of his hands, before releasing them a moment later and straightening himself. His father did not understand. Or maybe he did. Maybe what he said was correct. But Marco would definitely never be able to forgive himself for this, he could not just break the promise he made to her. He definitely couldn't.

But he could also no longer bother other people with it. He was glad for his father's advice, of course. He was relieved about the way Whitebeard had reacted. This was a delicate topic after all, this was something that concerned his crew after all. He did not want to betray the trust Whitebeard had set into him.

But he did no longer want to talk about this, Whitebeard was wrong with what he had said. There was no way Marco could leave the past behind like that. So instead of talking more of it, he changed the topic to what he had actually come here to talk about.

"Thank you, pops. I really appreciate it. But there's something else I came to talk about." He said, his voice had recovered and he no longer looked as troubled as he had just a moment before. "Ace requested something of me yesterday. He wants to go back to that marine base, probably to wreak havoc upon the place. He has his mind set on revenge, he thinks letting himself get wounded by some low rank marine is an insult to your name. And he has asked me to come with him, but he also said that if I won't, he'll simply do it alone, yoi." He made a small pause, sighing intently. "I don't think I can stop him, yoi."

Bringing his hand to his chin and stroking it slowly, Whitebeard thought about the matter for a moment, before finally replying. "I don't think you should stop him then."

Marco's eyes widened. "I don't think what he's trying to do is a good idea. He might get himself hurt again – or worse, he…"

Whitebeard interrupted Marco, before the blond was able to speak his worst assumption out loud. "That's why you'll go with him, son. To protect him. To make sure he does what he needs to do and then comes back unscathed."

Marco lowered his head, he was not someone who would talk back to his father, even if he did not agree with his decisions. Because most of the time, Whitebeard was right with what he said. And he knew what had happened the last time he had disagreed with him. Ace had actually been hurt…

"If you say so." He agreed quietly after a moment of silence.


End file.
